A Newlywed's Take On Marriage

{leaving as man and wife}

I can’t believe I’m almost on my third week of marriage. I have random moments of shock where I have to peek into the living room to make sure my husband is still there, and that this wasn’t all a dream. 

As many of you well know, marriage has been something I’ve been looking forward to since I was like four years old. (you think I’m kidding) Being a helper and loving someone who was your soulmate has always melted my hopelessly romantic heart. As I’ve grown older and learned more about marriage, I realized that there is a lot more to it than romance and warm fuzzies. But you can only be so prepared without experiencing it.

So with my VAST experience of married life...a whoppin’ 17 days...I thought I’d share some of the thoughts I’ve been having since saying “I do” while they are fresh on my mind.

I can now echo with countless other married couples that marriage is one of the best and one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It used to annoy me when married people would give me that advice. “It’s the best thing in the world, and yet the most difficult.” How does that even make sense? It seemed oxymoronish to me. Now I understand.

It’s the best thing because I can look into the eyes of the man who loves me more than anyone else and feel safe. He promised me forever and I believe him. I fall asleep in his arms and wake up to his smile. I laugh with him constantly because we both have the same ridiculous sense of humor. He can read my face like a book and tell when I’m hurting, or sad, or mad. And he doesn’t stop asking “What’s wrong?” until I finally cave and expose my heart to him. He shows me daily that he cares for me.

It’s the hardest thing, not because Chris disappoints me or somehow doesn’t meet my needs. It’s hard because of ME. In these few short days of marriage I have seen more of Courtney’s flesh than I ever wanted to. Something about being one makes my flesh want to do everything in it’s power to separate us. I want to nag. I want to criticize. I want what I want. Chris is the recipient of my grumpiness, my moodiness, and my discontentment. Poor guy gets it ALL. While other’s see my smile and “sweet disposition,” Chris gets the death glare and heavy sigh from me. Chris truly sees all of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Already marriage has become a refining fire in my life. I can’t keep secrets or fake niceness in my marriage, it’s all the real deal. And that is both a good and terrifying thing. The Lord is making me more like His Son, Jesus, yet is killing my flesh quickly and consistently. I am thankful, yet broken.

It is so hard, yet so beautiful. I love my husband. And I love being married. And I’m excited about seeing where the Lord takes us as man and wife. My prayer is that as each day passes, we become more like Christ and bring Him more glory than the day before.

“O magnify the LORD with me, And let us exalt His name together.”

Psalm 34:3

The Selfish Romantic...

I am a hopeless romantic. I try to hide it, but it nevertheless always manages to come out somehow. I want to be pursued by a man, for him to want me and no one else, and for him to make an effort to win my heart. 

As far back as I can remember I have pictured the scenario, straight out of a Hallmark movie, where he brings me flowers, takes me somewhere special and listens to my every word. He laughs at my jokes, holds me when I cry, loves me even when I’m mean, and stands by me no matter what. And even when I’m gray-haired and covered in wrinkles, that he will still say I take his breath away.

Siigghhh.

Did you notice anything about what I’ve just described? Did you see the pattern here? It’s all about me. Never once did I mention anything that is important. Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn’t it? To be adored and spoiled rotten. But not only is that not reality, it’s not at all what my life is to be about as a Christian. 

Since when has it become about me?

When I believed in Jesus Christ and began this walk in Him, I said goodbye to my wants and my desires.

“Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified 

the flesh with its passions and desires.”

Galatians 5:24

“I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I 

who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now l

ive in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who 

loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

Galatians 2:20

“Let no one seek his own good...”

1 Corinthians 10:24

However difficult it may be to hear, life is not about me. It’s about Christ and His glory. 

Why would I think romance would be any different? I think something doesn’t connect in my mind when I begin to think about relationships and marriage. I remember all of the Disney movies I grew up watching, where Prince Charming always came riding into the picture to save the girl. Or all of the “chick flicks” out there, where the girl always chooses the guy who gives her just what she wants, who meets all of her needs. This is a very incorrect view of what God intended relationships to be all about.

My needs are met through Christ, and Him alone. Why would I expect a man to play that role? Not only does it put an enormous amount of pressure on him, but I will always be dissatisfied. I could marry the most angelic, sweet, tender, and sensitive guy out there, but my true needs would still never be met. Yes, I may be happy at first, but eventually a desire that can only be fulfilled by my Creator will begin to nag at my heart, making me miserable, until I run to Him.

“For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry 

soul He fills with good things.”

Psalm 107:9

“O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness, 

That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.”

Psalm 90:14

He alone can satisfy.

So, my sisters, I encourage you to take a good hard look at your view of romance and marriage. Are you looking to the future, thinking that one day all of your deepest longings will be met by a Prince Charming? That all of your problems will be solved with three things: tall, dark and handsome? 

Or are you being satisfied in Jesus now? The One who knows us better than anyone ever could, who made us and formed us, and is intimately acquainted with all our ways (Ps. 139:3). Jesus truly is all we could ever desire or hope for.

And yes, maybe one day in the future the Lord will bring that amazing man of God (or maybe He already has), who loves you as Christ loves the church. Together you can both serve the Lord better than you could apart. But it will be so much sweeter if you are already finding your satisfaction in the Lord, than expecting it to come from him.

I’m on this same journey with you. I struggle all the time with this wrong outlook. I so often take my eyes off of Jesus, and look instead off into the horizon waiting for the gallant prince to come riding up on his horse to rescue me. So if you struggle with this, you’re not alone. But let’s learn from this, repent, and fix our eyes on Jesus.

I mean after all, if anyone could pass as a Prince Charming, couldn’t He? ;)

The Little Things

Today was a rainy day. I could hear the rain drizzling softly on the skylight above my bed. I tightened my grip on my covers, rolled over, snuggled deeper into my bed and lazily shut my eyes. Oh, how good it felt.

Yesterday had been a good day, but an exhausting one. I deserved to get a little extra sleep. I knew I had to take Carley to the orthodontist in a few hours, which meant all I had to do was get a shower, get ready and we were good!

Then I heard that little voice...the sometimes dreaded voice...inside of me. “And where does time with Me fit into all of this?” I shut my eyes tighter, trying to drown Him out. I just want to sleep! Is that too much to ask?

Then I heard it. “Get up.” It wasn’t mean or demanding, but more of a calling. I almost rolled over.

But I didn’t.

I opened my eyes and got up.

Big deal, you may be thinking. And you’re right. I’m not tootin' my own horn here, I assure you. And this may not seem like a huge sacrifice...because it’s not. But for me this morning, God taught me an amazing lesson through this example.

How can I ever think that God can use me to do big things for Him if I won’t even get out of bed to seek His face? How can I expect Him to entrust me with lives and the dreams He has placed in my heart, if I’d rather just sleep? Because I’m tired.

The Lord showed me this morning, as I spent time with Him, that I have to be faithful in the little things to be entrusted with much.

“He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful

also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very

little thing is unrighteous also in much.”

Luke 16:10

This is the desire of my heart. I want to be faithful. I want to seek my Jesus before anything else. I want to put Him FIRST.

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, 

and all these things will be added to you.”

Matthew 6:33

I fail at this daily. There are too many mornings where I roll over and go back to sleep. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to always choose Jesus.

Lord, help me to be faithful in the little things!

Just Keep Running...

“Perseverance is the hard work you do after you 

get tired of doing the hard work you already did.” 

Newt Gingrich

I’m exhausted. I’m irritable. And rest is no where in sight.

It’s in times like these, that my endurance & perseverance is tested. When life and circumstances that are out of my control won’t let me quit. And the only choice I have is to press on. To keep moving forward.

These times in my life are arduous. They are challenging. It ain’t fun! 

But I find that it is in these times that the Lord shows Himself strong. I am forced to rely on His strength, because I have no strength left of my own. And He enables me to move forward. He causes good fruit to be produced in the soil of difficulty.

“And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, 

knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and 

perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope...” 

Romans 5:3-4

The word tribulation in this verse is the Greek word thlipsis. It’s meaning is that of a pressing, pressing together, pressure. Ever felt that way before? Sure sounds a lot like life to me! :)

But what does it say these tribulations produce in us? Perseverance, proven character and hope. Through this pressure or tribulation in our lives, the Lord is able to bring forth good.

How then should we respond to these difficult and pressure filled times in our life?

“...but we also exult in our tribulations...”

To exult means to glory in a thing. We must exult in the tough times, through the “pressing” times in life. Why? Because of what those times produce. Because of what the Lord can yield in our lives due to them.

I read a verse the other night, after an exhausting day that never seemed to end. What it said really convicted me.

"Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two.”

Matthew 5:41

Running is awful. I am convinced it could be used as an effective method of torture (I am slightly exaggerating...slightly.). And if someone forced me to run a mile with them, I would most likely want to sit down, finish coughing up my lung and have a nice cold drink of water. Willingly running a second mile with them would never cross my mind. Yet that is what Jesus is telling us to do in this verse. Life’s hard, heck yeah. Sometimes it is just downright terrible. But despite how much we may dislike it, there is really nothing we can do about it. 

As believers, we have to look at the bigger picture. We have to pray to our Heavenly Father to make our heart’s prayer be "yet not My will, but Yours be done." (Luke 22:42) And we have to run that second mile.

I do not have this concept mastered. I am SO far from any of what I’ve just shared. More times than not, I have to be dragged through through the first mile. Living this out is hard. This stuff is so easy for me to say, especially when my life could be so much harder. I have so much to be thankful for. Many of my friends come to mind as I write this, who are dealing with heart-wrenching trials. Depression. Cancer. The death of a friend. My life is a walk in the park with cotton candy in one hand and a puppy in the other, compared to theirs. My heart breaks for them, and my prayers are with them daily. But the message is for all of us, regardless of the level of difficulty we face in our lives. We must persevere. We must stay strong. And it gets back to us relying on that strength that comes only from our Heavenly Father.

So I leave you with this:

“...let us run with endurance the race that is set before 

us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter 

of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, 

despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand 

of the throne of God.”

Hebrews 12:1-2

Get your running shoes on! :)

Is It Just Me?

Have you ever had one of those moments where you realize that you are different? I mean really different? You feel as though you stand out like a sore thumb.

You didn’t think that was funny.

You really don’t want to watch that.

Your purpose in life is not just to have fun.

It sure can make you feel alone. Like you’re the only one out there. Does anyone have the same morals or convictions as you?

I wish there was a way to avoid this, but there just isn’t. But take heart! As followers of Christ, this is to be expected. 

What do I mean by this?

Jesus Christ came into the world in human form. How did the world respond to Him?

“...it hates Me because I testify of it, that its deeds are evil.” 

(John 7:7)

The world hated Jesus. So much so that they killed Him. And in Ephesians, we are called to be imitators of Him:

“Therefore be imitators of God...” 

(Ephesians 5:1)

So if the world hated Christ, and we are to imitate Him, what does this tell you? The world is going to hate us too. 

Yay us!!! ;)

I promise you that I am not trying to discourage you. On the contrary. This may not seem encouraging at first glance, but for me, when I realize that opposition from the world is to be expected, it doesn’t catch me as off guard. And I am a person who likes to be prepared...

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, 

which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange 

thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share 

the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the 

revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation.” 

(1 Peter 4:12-13)

Don’t be surprised or discouraged when you feel alone because of your faith. Christ went through the same thing for us, even suffering death on the cross for us. (Phil. 2:5-8) How small are these sufferings in comparison! 

And there is hope despite these sufferings. Don’t think you are alone! 

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have 

peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I 

have overcome the world." 

(John 16:33) 

We have peace and comfort in our Savior. And He has overcome this world. It ain’t got nothing on us! We have already won the war. Victory is ours through Christ Jesus.

So take heart, dear friends, that our God is greater than any thing in this world. Greater than the cutting words of a classmate. Greater than the rejection of those whom you love. And greater than the loneliness these things can cause.

“Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, 

or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 

Just as it is written, "For Your sake we are being put to death all day 

long; we were considered as sheep to be slaughtered. But in all 

these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.” 

(Romans 8:35-37)

The Benefits of Losing

Losing your life. Being crucified with Christ. Dying to self.

I don’t know about you, but when I hear these phrases quoted from Scripture, I sometimes cringe at the thought. Something tells me that living these out is not going to be a very pleasant experience...

Is the Christian walk really that difficult? Can’t we all just be happy and always smiling...it seems to work for Joel Osteen! ;)

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but that is not at all how the gospel that Jesus 

preached is described. 

“You will be hated by all because of My name...” 

Matthew 10:22

“I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them, because they are 

not of the world, even as I am not of the world.” 

John 17:14

Following Christ is not for the faint of heart. It is not always easy. Now, I am not trying to be all gloom and doom here, but this side of the gospel is so often overlooked. Why? Because it makes people uncomfortable. It’s not “happy.” It requires us take a good hard look at how we are living.

It gets back to that losing your life thing.

“For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for 

My sake and the gospel’s will save it.” 

Mark 8:35

Now, you may be more spiritual than I am, but when someone wants a show of hands of people who want to lose their life, I’m gonna keep my hands down as low as I can. But now that I am a child of God and a bondservant of Christ, this changes things. Or should.

“Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with 

its passions and desires.”

Galatians 5:24

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives 

in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, 

who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

Galatians 2:20

It’s no longer about me. I died with Christ. The life I am now living is not my own but is through faith in Christ. 

This is a sacrifice, yes. But when you compare it with the last part of Galatians 2:20, it seems so small in comparison. Christ Jesus, the Son of God, gave Himself up for me. Why? He loved me. He forgave the debt of my sins that I could not pay, and granted me not only complete pardon, but also eternal life.

“My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!”

Why in the world would I ever find giving my life for Him in return a difficult decision? When I see my life in light of who Christ Jesus is, and in light of the sacrifice He made for me, my life is of nothing to me. Take it all, Jesus!

Yet, this is still a daily struggle for me. Of dying to my flesh. I have to fall before Him more frequently than I’m proud of, and beg Him to change me. To make me willing to die to my flesh and desires. I had to do it tonight.

But He always helps me and hears my prayers.

“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

Hebrews 4:16

He gave me mercy tonight. And made me willing to lose my life again, and caused this to be my heart’s prayer:

“He must increase, but I must decrease.”

John 3:30