The Little Rebel Inside

*Warning* 

This post reveals the often sinful heart condition of the 

author. For those who wish to hold to the illusion that I 

am perfect and have it all together do not need 

to read any further. :)

The Lord broke through my rebellious heart tonight.

Have you ever experienced a time when you see, without any filtering, your sinfulness? In all its ugliness. In all its filth. You just see it for what it is.

Tonight was one of those nights for me.

For those of you who don’t know me, I am a very stubborn person. I mean very. Blame it on heredity, blame it on my personality, either way the truth is: I am stubborn. And this is not a good thing.

Lately though, my stubbornness has been rearing its ugly head in the area of submitting to/obeying my parents.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have the most amazing parents. They love the Lord, and are such great examples in my life. They have sacrificed so much for me, given me more than I could ever deserve, and have taught me to follow the Lord. Without them I know I would not know the Lord the way that I do.

Why in the world would it be hard to honor and obey such terrific parents?

I’m stubborn remember??? And on top of that, I think I’m right the majority of the time. I’ve got it figured out, and I don’t need someone to tell me what to do.

I’ve been letting the wisdom of the world, and the tendencies of my wicked heart to dominate the way I view my parents. I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how I want to do it.

After all, no one else my age has to live under the same rules I do!

Even as I type these words, I feel such shame that these were the thoughts of my heart. They seem so blatantly rebellious when written down...yet I somehow managed to justify them when they are whispered in my heart. 

But thankfully, the Lord was not fooled. He brought me to my knees, broken and grieved over my sin. He revealed just how wicked and rebellious my heart had been, and brought me to a place of repentance and surrender. 

He reminded me of His commands for me as a child of my parents:

“Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 

Honor your father and mother (which is the first 

commandment with a promise), so that it will be well with 

you, and that you may live long on the earth.”

Ephesians 6:1-3

“Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this 

is well-pleasing to the Lord.” 

Colossians 3:20

“Hear, my son, your father’s instruction and do not forsake

your mother’s teaching;”

Proverbs 1:8

These verses are so cut and dry. They are to the point and there’s no arguing with the command here. Obey. Honor. Heed Instruction.

I am called, no matter what my age, to obey and honor my parents. Yes, this is a strange concept in our culture. At age 18 we are considered to be “adults” and on our own. We have the freedom to make our own decisions, do what we want, and answer only to ourselves. And this mindset of the world can so easily become my mindset.

But is that God’s way?

Not for my life it isn’t. The Lord has placed me under my parents’ care and authority in this moment. It can be such a blessing...that is, when my heart is right. :)

I have so much to be thankful for. I love my parents. And they love me unconditionally and consistently. They want what is best for me, even if it’s not what I want to hear. They have prayed for me since I was conceived, and have devoted their lives to pouring into me and showing me how to live for Jesus. I am so thankful for them.

My prayer tonight is for the Lord to give me a heart change. To give me a submissive and meek heart towards my parents. That I would joyfully submit to their authority and serve them from my heart. 

I want more than anything to be pleasing to the Lord in every area of my life. It's easy to be a saint when you're leading a Bible study, are at church or with your godly friends. But when I come home and no one else is looking, I want to still be found faithful. I want to honor those who know me best, who see me at my worst and yet still love me. I want to be faithful where it truly counts...because even if no one else sees the way I treat my parents, the Lord does. And He should be all I am striving to please. 

“...a wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish 

son is a grief to his mother.”

Proverbs 10:1

I want to bring gladness to my father and mother, and not grief.

The Selfish Romantic...

I am a hopeless romantic. I try to hide it, but it nevertheless always manages to come out somehow. I want to be pursued by a man, for him to want me and no one else, and for him to make an effort to win my heart. 

As far back as I can remember I have pictured the scenario, straight out of a Hallmark movie, where he brings me flowers, takes me somewhere special and listens to my every word. He laughs at my jokes, holds me when I cry, loves me even when I’m mean, and stands by me no matter what. And even when I’m gray-haired and covered in wrinkles, that he will still say I take his breath away.

Siigghhh.

Did you notice anything about what I’ve just described? Did you see the pattern here? It’s all about me. Never once did I mention anything that is important. Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn’t it? To be adored and spoiled rotten. But not only is that not reality, it’s not at all what my life is to be about as a Christian. 

Since when has it become about me?

When I believed in Jesus Christ and began this walk in Him, I said goodbye to my wants and my desires.

“Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified 

the flesh with its passions and desires.”

Galatians 5:24

“I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I 

who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now l

ive in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who 

loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

Galatians 2:20

“Let no one seek his own good...”

1 Corinthians 10:24

However difficult it may be to hear, life is not about me. It’s about Christ and His glory. 

Why would I think romance would be any different? I think something doesn’t connect in my mind when I begin to think about relationships and marriage. I remember all of the Disney movies I grew up watching, where Prince Charming always came riding into the picture to save the girl. Or all of the “chick flicks” out there, where the girl always chooses the guy who gives her just what she wants, who meets all of her needs. This is a very incorrect view of what God intended relationships to be all about.

My needs are met through Christ, and Him alone. Why would I expect a man to play that role? Not only does it put an enormous amount of pressure on him, but I will always be dissatisfied. I could marry the most angelic, sweet, tender, and sensitive guy out there, but my true needs would still never be met. Yes, I may be happy at first, but eventually a desire that can only be fulfilled by my Creator will begin to nag at my heart, making me miserable, until I run to Him.

“For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry 

soul He fills with good things.”

Psalm 107:9

“O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness, 

That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.”

Psalm 90:14

He alone can satisfy.

So, my sisters, I encourage you to take a good hard look at your view of romance and marriage. Are you looking to the future, thinking that one day all of your deepest longings will be met by a Prince Charming? That all of your problems will be solved with three things: tall, dark and handsome? 

Or are you being satisfied in Jesus now? The One who knows us better than anyone ever could, who made us and formed us, and is intimately acquainted with all our ways (Ps. 139:3). Jesus truly is all we could ever desire or hope for.

And yes, maybe one day in the future the Lord will bring that amazing man of God (or maybe He already has), who loves you as Christ loves the church. Together you can both serve the Lord better than you could apart. But it will be so much sweeter if you are already finding your satisfaction in the Lord, than expecting it to come from him.

I’m on this same journey with you. I struggle all the time with this wrong outlook. I so often take my eyes off of Jesus, and look instead off into the horizon waiting for the gallant prince to come riding up on his horse to rescue me. So if you struggle with this, you’re not alone. But let’s learn from this, repent, and fix our eyes on Jesus.

I mean after all, if anyone could pass as a Prince Charming, couldn’t He? ;)

The Little Things

Today was a rainy day. I could hear the rain drizzling softly on the skylight above my bed. I tightened my grip on my covers, rolled over, snuggled deeper into my bed and lazily shut my eyes. Oh, how good it felt.

Yesterday had been a good day, but an exhausting one. I deserved to get a little extra sleep. I knew I had to take Carley to the orthodontist in a few hours, which meant all I had to do was get a shower, get ready and we were good!

Then I heard that little voice...the sometimes dreaded voice...inside of me. “And where does time with Me fit into all of this?” I shut my eyes tighter, trying to drown Him out. I just want to sleep! Is that too much to ask?

Then I heard it. “Get up.” It wasn’t mean or demanding, but more of a calling. I almost rolled over.

But I didn’t.

I opened my eyes and got up.

Big deal, you may be thinking. And you’re right. I’m not tootin' my own horn here, I assure you. And this may not seem like a huge sacrifice...because it’s not. But for me this morning, God taught me an amazing lesson through this example.

How can I ever think that God can use me to do big things for Him if I won’t even get out of bed to seek His face? How can I expect Him to entrust me with lives and the dreams He has placed in my heart, if I’d rather just sleep? Because I’m tired.

The Lord showed me this morning, as I spent time with Him, that I have to be faithful in the little things to be entrusted with much.

“He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful

also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very

little thing is unrighteous also in much.”

Luke 16:10

This is the desire of my heart. I want to be faithful. I want to seek my Jesus before anything else. I want to put Him FIRST.

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, 

and all these things will be added to you.”

Matthew 6:33

I fail at this daily. There are too many mornings where I roll over and go back to sleep. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to always choose Jesus.

Lord, help me to be faithful in the little things!