Monday, January 6, 2014

3 Things I've Learned Through Pregnancy



So I haven’t blogged much about my pregnancy...mainly since I’ve been so sick. But as I’ve now entered into my 3rd trimester, and have spent a lot of time on the couch resting, (you think I’m kidding...) I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on these past few months, and all of the things the Lord has taught me through this precious little life growing inside of me.

So with that, here are 3 things I’ve learned through pregnancy.

1. I’m not as strong as I think I am.

So I’ve pretty much always wanted to be a wife and mom. Seriously. Since I was like four years old, I wanted to have babies and rock them to sleep. I was the girl who made the “Awwwww.” face any time I saw a pregnant woman shopping in Walmart. I could not wait for that time in my life! And as I grew older, I *thought* I had a more mature and realistic view of pregnancy and motherhood.

“It’s not going to be easy. It’s a sacrifice.” I would tell myself...somehow thinking that brought the appropriate dose of reality to my little fantasy world.

And yet I had this arrogance, yes arrogance, about how I would handle being pregnant. “I’m not gonna get fat, and I’ll keep working out the whole time to stay in shape!” I told myself and other people. I remember thinking how pregnancy can’t be THAT bad and I would not make excuses for myself. I’m tough. And pregnancy was not going to interfere with that.

It makes me laugh just writing this now. Boy was I wrong! (of course pregnancy is different for every one...I do have friends who did CrossFit while pregnant and ran 5k’s like no body’s business...and I secretly hate them. haha Just kidding!) For me, pregnancy revealed just how completely weak I am. And that was a hard pill for me to swallow.

About a week after finding out we were pregnant, the wondrous thing they call “morning sickness” took over my life. I would rather call it “throwing-up-every-two-hours-and-wondering-if-you’ll-ever-survive-sickness”...but that’s just me. ;) I have NEVER experienced nausea to that extent before, and it really took me by surprise. After two weeks of it, I remember feeling hopeless that life would ever hold joy again. (dramatic, yes. But true nonetheless.) People would tell me, just make it to week 12 and it will get better! 

The thought of living like this for 6 MORE WEEKS was enough to make me cry. And throw up again. But I really had no choice. 

Well week 12 came and went...including week 13,14,15....all the way until about week 24. I’m SO thankful the Lord didn’t let me know that I would be sick for that long. Otherwise I would have lost hope all together. But He really did sustain me through that!  

But what I gained through all of those weeks of sickness was a good dose of humility! I am NOT as strong as I think I am, and I’ve learned to be much more careful about voicing my “tough opinions” on situations I’ve never walked through before. Boy, have I learned...

2. I can be quite vain.

Okay, maybe I knew this before I was pregnant. But I always excused it with “Who isn’t?” But as this sweet baby is growing inside of me and completely changing everything I once knew about my body, there have been some days where I burst into tears...just wishing for my “old” body back. Which is funny, because I was never content with my body before (and it wasn’t so impressive that you’d cry missing it for sure! ha) but it was better than whatever this thing is!

Clothes don’t fit the way they used to. Okay, nothing fits the way it used to. And as I’ve had to go up in sizes...not once, but several times, I really have to swallow back the feelings of discontentment I feel upon seeing myself in the mirror.

When I cry and tell my husband “I’M A WHALE.” He lovingly tells me “You’re pregnant! You’re growing a baby!” And yet somehow this doesn’t change the fact that I still feel absolutely unattractive.

This got me to thinking about how wrongly I’ve been viewing my body for all of these years. As if it belongs to me. We all know the verse:

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the 
Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, 
and that you are not your own? For you have been 
bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

And I’ve read it countless times, thinking that I understood this concept. But this pregnancy has revealed that that is SO far from the truth. If it is a struggle for me to “sacrifice” my body to grow a precious human being...how selfish am I?! I see just how nasty my heart is...I want to be in control of my own body, and when that control is taken away, I am not a very happy camper.

This is just one of the reasons I so desperately need Jesus!

3. Tears are okay.

This may not be a big deal for most, but for me...this is HUGE. I have always hated crying! I ridiculed those who cried during movies and commercials. Those weepy women who were always crying over the silliest things. What pansies!

And now. That’s me.
Blame it on the pregnancy hormones, but goodness, I’ve cried so much these past 7 months! I’ve cried when I was making dinner and realized we had no taco seasoning. I cried during a commercial. And I’ve cried when Chris leaves and goes to work...and also the night before because I can’t bear the thought of him leaving in the morning.

But I’ve also cried when I heard that strong heartbeat on the ultrasound for the first time, realizing that that was my baby. I cried months later when the lady said “It’s a boy!” and I could see his silhouette on the screen, with perfect little arms and legs wiggling like crazy. I cry as I lay awake at night, hands on my tummy, feeling my son moving around and even responding to my touch.

Life is so beautiful. I can’t help but shed a tear over just how wonderful carrying this life inside of me is. Yes, it’s hard and a sacrifice, but those moments of complete awe far outweigh the difficulties I’ve experience...and they definitely make it worth it.

______________________________

So these are just a few of the things I have learned so far during this pregnancy experience. And I’m so thankful the Lord is using it to refine me and make me stand in awe of His goodness. 

There is so much nastiness inside of this heart of mine, and yet He still chooses to bless my life so abundantly. 

What a wonderful Savior we serve! 


Thursday, January 2, 2014

Goals for the New Year


Well, it’s a new year...which means everyone and their mother have been talking about the year past and how great this new year is going to be--that “this is going to be their year!”

Quite honestly, all of this kinda makes me roll my eyes...yes, I would love to see everyone succeed at their new goals, but why can’t we all have goals and be motivated all year???

But nevertheless, this year I decided to give this whole “new years resolution” thing a chance and use this time to ask the Lord to show me some areas in my life and heart that needed to be changed or improved. And I found it to be a very refreshing and enlightening time for me. I made time to just stop, be still, and reflect. 

So after that long and drawn out explanation...here are a few of my “resolutions.”

Goals for 2014:

Read through the Bible this year
   
I used to do this every year, and then I began to let other Bible studies I was doing be an excuse to keep me from doing this reading. But I have really missed getting that “whole picture” view of Scripture, so I’m determined to keep that up this year.

Pray more consistently for people

A dear friend, Mrs. Debra, shared a very practical way to pray for people with me last summer. She told me that she was at a friend’s house and noticed a basket full of cards on the coffee table. She looked into the basket and realized it was Christmas cards. She asked her friend why she kept them on the coffee table (when it was no where near Christmas) and her friend said that she keeps every Christmas card that people send to her, so that she can pray for them throughout the whole year.

When she shared this with me, I was like “I am SO gonna do that!” So this week we have taken one Christmas card and Chris and I are praying for that family this whole week. I even have a reminder set on my phone so that I remember to change it out the next week. (because these days I can be rather forgetful...I blame pregnancy. ha)


Plant a garden and can some produce

If any of you know me, you know that if this happens, it will be a miracle from God. Because I literally have killed every plant I’ve ever come in contact with. But I still want to learn! So I am reading up on how to garden, starting with this book Chris’ dad let me borrow. And thankfully he has been gardening for over 20 years, so he’s gonna teach me to mend my killing ways. ;)


Write more encouraging cards

You can never underestimate the power of a hand-written and encouraging card. I keep every card I receive...yes I’m a pack rat. ha But they just mean so much! When someone takes the time to write out something thoughtful and mail it to me, I feel so special and encouraged! So I really want to get better about doing that for other people. And I even bought some cute little cards from Walmart to start with! :)




So those are just a few of my goals for this new year! I’m asking the Lord to be the one who helps me stay motivated to carry this out, especially when the “newness” wears off. ha 

So what are some of your resolutions?