Broken Words from a Mother's Heart...

Sweet child of mine. With a broken and grieving heart I write this on paper--words I will never get to whisper in your ear. 

You brought so much joy into my life...even for those 3 short days I knew about you. My heart was full and the love that I have for you was from the moment I saw that second pink line on my test. You are and always will be my first baby.

The sorrow I feel from losing you cannot be described with words. The fact that I will never hear your first cry, hold you in my arms and count your tiny fingers and toes, is at times, unbearable. To never know if you are a boy or a girl, if you look like your daddy and act like your mommy or if you’ll be outgoing or shy. I’ll never get to see you take your first steps, read you bedtime stories, watch you graduate, get married or become a parent yourself. 

Despite these heart-wrenching truths, there is still joy. I DID know you, even for a short time, and my, what joy you brought to all of us! And I know my love for you pales in comparison to the love your Heavenly Father has for you...He knew you even before the foundation of the world! I trust Him to know what He’s doing. He is sovereign over my life, and He was sovereign over yours. And now you are with Him.

I love you sweet baby. Goodness how much I love you. And I will see you one day.

I cannot wait to meet you.

A Valentine's Day Poem

The Man in my life exceeds all of my dreams,

He loves me just the way I am & meets all of my needs.

He listens to my every word, & understands when no one can

He holds me together when I’m a wreck and don’t think I can stand.

True, He may not be here to take me to dinner & a movie

buy me roses or some other sweet gift to woo me.

But He has gone away to prepare for me a place

and one day very soon I will get to see His face.

He will wipe away the tears from my eyes

that I cried on those many lonely nights.

He will bring me to His Father, a bride spotless and pure,

this only being true because of the cross which He endured.

He gave His very life for me, a sacrifice no other man has given,

He bled for my wickedness, as the nails in His wrists were driven.

And as He hung there, bearing my shame,

He washed me clean and gave me a new name.

Now as I eagerly await His return to come and claim me,

I will not let the lies of this world ensnare me.

Yes, He will return, and I will not refrain from looking,

Waiting and watching and hoping and searching.

Earthly love fades in comparison to this wondrous love I’ve known,

And through the letter He wrote me, my love for Him has grown.

Don’t settle into thinking that all of your dreams will come true,

If you could only find someone to date you or love you for you.

Do not search for love and fulfillment in other people,

In Jesus there is a love that can never be equaled,

The Selfish Romantic...

I am a hopeless romantic. I try to hide it, but it nevertheless always manages to come out somehow. I want to be pursued by a man, for him to want me and no one else, and for him to make an effort to win my heart. 

As far back as I can remember I have pictured the scenario, straight out of a Hallmark movie, where he brings me flowers, takes me somewhere special and listens to my every word. He laughs at my jokes, holds me when I cry, loves me even when I’m mean, and stands by me no matter what. And even when I’m gray-haired and covered in wrinkles, that he will still say I take his breath away.

Siigghhh.

Did you notice anything about what I’ve just described? Did you see the pattern here? It’s all about me. Never once did I mention anything that is important. Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn’t it? To be adored and spoiled rotten. But not only is that not reality, it’s not at all what my life is to be about as a Christian. 

Since when has it become about me?

When I believed in Jesus Christ and began this walk in Him, I said goodbye to my wants and my desires.

“Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified 

the flesh with its passions and desires.”

Galatians 5:24

“I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I 

who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now l

ive in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who 

loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

Galatians 2:20

“Let no one seek his own good...”

1 Corinthians 10:24

However difficult it may be to hear, life is not about me. It’s about Christ and His glory. 

Why would I think romance would be any different? I think something doesn’t connect in my mind when I begin to think about relationships and marriage. I remember all of the Disney movies I grew up watching, where Prince Charming always came riding into the picture to save the girl. Or all of the “chick flicks” out there, where the girl always chooses the guy who gives her just what she wants, who meets all of her needs. This is a very incorrect view of what God intended relationships to be all about.

My needs are met through Christ, and Him alone. Why would I expect a man to play that role? Not only does it put an enormous amount of pressure on him, but I will always be dissatisfied. I could marry the most angelic, sweet, tender, and sensitive guy out there, but my true needs would still never be met. Yes, I may be happy at first, but eventually a desire that can only be fulfilled by my Creator will begin to nag at my heart, making me miserable, until I run to Him.

“For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry 

soul He fills with good things.”

Psalm 107:9

“O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness, 

That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.”

Psalm 90:14

He alone can satisfy.

So, my sisters, I encourage you to take a good hard look at your view of romance and marriage. Are you looking to the future, thinking that one day all of your deepest longings will be met by a Prince Charming? That all of your problems will be solved with three things: tall, dark and handsome? 

Or are you being satisfied in Jesus now? The One who knows us better than anyone ever could, who made us and formed us, and is intimately acquainted with all our ways (Ps. 139:3). Jesus truly is all we could ever desire or hope for.

And yes, maybe one day in the future the Lord will bring that amazing man of God (or maybe He already has), who loves you as Christ loves the church. Together you can both serve the Lord better than you could apart. But it will be so much sweeter if you are already finding your satisfaction in the Lord, than expecting it to come from him.

I’m on this same journey with you. I struggle all the time with this wrong outlook. I so often take my eyes off of Jesus, and look instead off into the horizon waiting for the gallant prince to come riding up on his horse to rescue me. So if you struggle with this, you’re not alone. But let’s learn from this, repent, and fix our eyes on Jesus.

I mean after all, if anyone could pass as a Prince Charming, couldn’t He? ;)

The Good Part

It was a typical day. I was doing house work, and vacuuming up a storm. It's amazing how therapeutic vacuuming can be. :)

My mind was busy thinking over my schedule for the day.

I need to finish vacuuming this room, then move on to cleaning the bedroom.

I need to go the gym today, so I don't become a heifer.

Have we fed the animals today?

                                                                       I need to make something for dinner.

                                                                       Oh, and I need to read my Bible.

Then I heard that little voice inside of me whispering, "Martha, Martha." As I continued to vacuum,  I mulled over those age old words that Jesus spoke to Martha in Luke. It hit me that just as Martha had been distracted and too busy to sit at the feet of Jesus, I was doing the same thing. "I'll get to my Bible reading after I finish cleaning this." It had been my excuse all morning. 

My heart was so convicted, that I stopped vacuuming right there (which for my perfectionist self was a BIG deal!!), and went upstairs in my room spend some time at the Lord's feet. This is what I read:

"Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; 

and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her 

home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at 

the Lord's feet, listening to His word. But Martha was 

distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to 

Him and said, “Lord do you not care that my sister has 

left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help 

me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, 

Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many 

things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has 

chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away 

from her.”

Luke 10:38-42

I came to see that I am just like Martha. We would have gotten along great...but we would have both chosen the wrong part.

Now Martha is not the “bad guy” in this story. Far from it! She was being hospitable by welcoming Jesus into her home. Which is what we are called to do.

“Be hospitable to one another without complaint.”

1 Peter 4:9

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by 

this some have entertained angels without knowing it.”

Hebrews 13:2

Martha was obeying the Word by welcoming people into her home. The problem comes in verse 40:

“But Martha was distracted with all her preparations...”

The word distracted in this verse means “to be over-occupied, too busy about a thing.” Man, that is a very accurate description of the way I live most of my life. I am just so busy. So occupied. So distracted. And, like Martha, I often come to the Lord...not to sit at His feet, but to complain.

“...Lord do you not care that my sister has 

left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell 

her to help me.”

Lord, my life is hard! Look at all that I am doing...and by myself too! Don’t you care? I can’t do this alone...make her help me!! 

Jesus’ response to her is so kind, yet cuts right to the quick.

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about 

so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for 

Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be 

taken away from her.”

He doesn’t condemn Martha. He simply names what she’s doing. She is bothered about so many things. Then He points to Mary, the object to which Martha directed her frustration. Mary has chosen the good part. What was this good part?

“...She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at 

the Lord's feet, listening to His word...”

Mary was at the feet of Jesus, listening to His word. She realized what was necessary. What was important. And this was not going to be taken away from her.

After reading these verses, tears filled my eyes. How had I let the cares of this world, and the distractions of life keep me from sitting at His feet? What else really matters? Yes, we have to work hard. Yes, there are things in life that we have to do. That’s not even the issue here. The real question is, are you and am I putting Him first? Are we choosing the good part. The part that is lasting and imperishable. Time spend with our Lord and in His Word.

Pray that I will live this out. That no matter how crazy life gets, I will still put Jesus first. That I will just sit at the feet of my Savior. 

That I will choose the good part.

Is It Just Me?

Have you ever had one of those moments where you realize that you are different? I mean really different? You feel as though you stand out like a sore thumb.

You didn’t think that was funny.

You really don’t want to watch that.

Your purpose in life is not just to have fun.

It sure can make you feel alone. Like you’re the only one out there. Does anyone have the same morals or convictions as you?

I wish there was a way to avoid this, but there just isn’t. But take heart! As followers of Christ, this is to be expected. 

What do I mean by this?

Jesus Christ came into the world in human form. How did the world respond to Him?

“...it hates Me because I testify of it, that its deeds are evil.” 

(John 7:7)

The world hated Jesus. So much so that they killed Him. And in Ephesians, we are called to be imitators of Him:

“Therefore be imitators of God...” 

(Ephesians 5:1)

So if the world hated Christ, and we are to imitate Him, what does this tell you? The world is going to hate us too. 

Yay us!!! ;)

I promise you that I am not trying to discourage you. On the contrary. This may not seem encouraging at first glance, but for me, when I realize that opposition from the world is to be expected, it doesn’t catch me as off guard. And I am a person who likes to be prepared...

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, 

which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange 

thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share 

the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the 

revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation.” 

(1 Peter 4:12-13)

Don’t be surprised or discouraged when you feel alone because of your faith. Christ went through the same thing for us, even suffering death on the cross for us. (Phil. 2:5-8) How small are these sufferings in comparison! 

And there is hope despite these sufferings. Don’t think you are alone! 

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have 

peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I 

have overcome the world." 

(John 16:33) 

We have peace and comfort in our Savior. And He has overcome this world. It ain’t got nothing on us! We have already won the war. Victory is ours through Christ Jesus.

So take heart, dear friends, that our God is greater than any thing in this world. Greater than the cutting words of a classmate. Greater than the rejection of those whom you love. And greater than the loneliness these things can cause.

“Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, 

or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 

Just as it is written, "For Your sake we are being put to death all day 

long; we were considered as sheep to be slaughtered. But in all 

these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.” 

(Romans 8:35-37)