Grieving America

As I’ve been sitting on the couch this morning, watching news coverage of the tragic events from 12 years ago, my heart is grieving for my country. Not just for the families who still bear the heart scars from having their loved ones taken from them by merciless terrorists, or the countless firefighters, policemen and rescue workers who gave their lives for the benefit of others, or the mothers’ who are left holding a folded flag instead of their child today, because they gave their lives to protect mine. 

But today my grief is much deeper. I am grieving over America, not just for America. 

I am sometimes astonished at how much change has happened in my beloved country in just 12 short years. Just days after the attack on our country, there was not a street you could drive down where you didn’t see American flags hanging proudly from each home. Churches were full, because for the first time in a long time we had our priorities straight. People were kind to each other, and stood proudly in support of our boys who were fighting against the evil that had attacked us. And I will never forget what that felt like. United We Stand actually meant something to me.

I felt like we were standing together for what was right. No, we definitely weren’t perfect as a country, but when shaken, American’s still had a moral core and did what needed to be done to assure we got the job done.

Today, I don’t feel that way. 

I no longer feel that Americans have strong morals deep in their core. We no longer know what is right and what is wrong. What is justice and injustice. Truth has stumbled in the street.

“Justice is turned back, And righteousness stands far away; 

For truth has stumbled in the street, And uprightness cannot enter.” 

Isaiah 59:14

What determines what is right today in our culture is what you see as right. And no one can judge you for expressing yourself. And as a result, so much evil and immorality is tolerated in our society. Things that are appalling and should bring shame and embarrassment are displayed on television and radio as the norm or at the very least “someone expressing their individuality.”

I am astonished at how much immorality can be displayed on channels like HGTV. My husband and I have to turn the channel to something else countless times because of couple living together who aren’t married, or homosexual couples being featured on the show. Yes, many would call us intolerant and judgmental, but my God is the one who says its an abomination and sin, and we both would rather err on His side than the world’s. 

When did we become so immune to sin? When did we lose our conscience and morality? When did such abhorrent things in the eyes of our God become the norm? So much so that no one even gives it a second thought? This country was founded on Christian principles...so there is no one to blame but ourselves. We as Christians have dropped the ball big time. 

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil 

is for good men to do nothing." 

Edmund Burke

I think it is a shameful thing for a Christian nation to turn pagan. For those who have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord, to then reject it. What judgement we are bringing upon ourselves! I don’t even think we can comprehend what is coming. God is a merciful God, but He is also just, and will not tolerate sin.

My heart grieves over America because we know the truth, and have chosen to throw that away and create our own truth.

As Christians, we must repent first of our own contribution to the sin of our country. And we need to repent of our tolerance of the things God hates. We need to stand for truth, no matter what ridicule or consequences it may bring. We need to stop being afraid of being viewed as intolerant or bigots, and stop caring what others think more than what our Lord thinks. He is the one we need to obey and please!

Will you join me in praying for our country? And not just in praying, but in living out the truth before our fellow American’s? 

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; 

Who substitute darkness for light and light for 

darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet 

for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes 

And clever in their own sight!” 

Isaiah 5:20-21

Do It Yourself Tuesday ::: Dining Room Chairs

Project #1 is complete in our dining room renovation! I have started many things in that room, but this is the first that is completed! Woot woot! :)

I didn't think to take step-by-step pictures...oopsey. But I will tell you how I got this look and show the products that I used...I know if you're a visual person like me, you'd rather see it than read it, but it's all I got right now. ha

Step 1: 

I went to Hobby Lobby and found this yellow fabric. Normally I'm not a huge fan of polka dots, but it went along with other fabrics I am going to use in the dining room, so I got it. I checked Hobby Lobby's website to check their in-store deals and fabric was 30% off. SCORE.

Step 2:

I primed the chairs in this oil based primer. The lady was very helpful at Lowe's and explained why I needed oil-based primer. Because my chairs were originally stained wood, with some kind of clear top coat, an enamel or latex paint wouldn't "stick" unless I sanded or stripped them. So go with the oil-based primer I did.

Oh, and be sure you are using a brush meant for oil-based paints. There's apparently a difference. haha

Step 3:

*drumroll* Now it was time for the beautiful black topcoat! Yay! I got a glossy black enamel based paint. And surprisingly the chairs only needed one coat of this.

Step 4:

Last and final step! I cut the fabric to fit the cushions, and used this stapler to attach it. The staples I used may be a little heavy duty for fabric, but my husband had already bought these for another home project and I didn't want to spend any more on new staples. ;)

And there you go! A completely different look!

If you have any questions that I didn't answer in this post, I'd be glad to try and answer them!

Broken Words from a Mother's Heart...

Sweet child of mine. With a broken and grieving heart I write this on paper--words I will never get to whisper in your ear. 

You brought so much joy into my life...even for those 3 short days I knew about you. My heart was full and the love that I have for you was from the moment I saw that second pink line on my test. You are and always will be my first baby.

The sorrow I feel from losing you cannot be described with words. The fact that I will never hear your first cry, hold you in my arms and count your tiny fingers and toes, is at times, unbearable. To never know if you are a boy or a girl, if you look like your daddy and act like your mommy or if you’ll be outgoing or shy. I’ll never get to see you take your first steps, read you bedtime stories, watch you graduate, get married or become a parent yourself. 

Despite these heart-wrenching truths, there is still joy. I DID know you, even for a short time, and my, what joy you brought to all of us! And I know my love for you pales in comparison to the love your Heavenly Father has for you...He knew you even before the foundation of the world! I trust Him to know what He’s doing. He is sovereign over my life, and He was sovereign over yours. And now you are with Him.

I love you sweet baby. Goodness how much I love you. And I will see you one day.

I cannot wait to meet you.

A Newlywed's Take On Marriage

{leaving as man and wife}

I can’t believe I’m almost on my third week of marriage. I have random moments of shock where I have to peek into the living room to make sure my husband is still there, and that this wasn’t all a dream. 

As many of you well know, marriage has been something I’ve been looking forward to since I was like four years old. (you think I’m kidding) Being a helper and loving someone who was your soulmate has always melted my hopelessly romantic heart. As I’ve grown older and learned more about marriage, I realized that there is a lot more to it than romance and warm fuzzies. But you can only be so prepared without experiencing it.

So with my VAST experience of married life...a whoppin’ 17 days...I thought I’d share some of the thoughts I’ve been having since saying “I do” while they are fresh on my mind.

I can now echo with countless other married couples that marriage is one of the best and one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It used to annoy me when married people would give me that advice. “It’s the best thing in the world, and yet the most difficult.” How does that even make sense? It seemed oxymoronish to me. Now I understand.

It’s the best thing because I can look into the eyes of the man who loves me more than anyone else and feel safe. He promised me forever and I believe him. I fall asleep in his arms and wake up to his smile. I laugh with him constantly because we both have the same ridiculous sense of humor. He can read my face like a book and tell when I’m hurting, or sad, or mad. And he doesn’t stop asking “What’s wrong?” until I finally cave and expose my heart to him. He shows me daily that he cares for me.

It’s the hardest thing, not because Chris disappoints me or somehow doesn’t meet my needs. It’s hard because of ME. In these few short days of marriage I have seen more of Courtney’s flesh than I ever wanted to. Something about being one makes my flesh want to do everything in it’s power to separate us. I want to nag. I want to criticize. I want what I want. Chris is the recipient of my grumpiness, my moodiness, and my discontentment. Poor guy gets it ALL. While other’s see my smile and “sweet disposition,” Chris gets the death glare and heavy sigh from me. Chris truly sees all of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Already marriage has become a refining fire in my life. I can’t keep secrets or fake niceness in my marriage, it’s all the real deal. And that is both a good and terrifying thing. The Lord is making me more like His Son, Jesus, yet is killing my flesh quickly and consistently. I am thankful, yet broken.

It is so hard, yet so beautiful. I love my husband. And I love being married. And I’m excited about seeing where the Lord takes us as man and wife. My prayer is that as each day passes, we become more like Christ and bring Him more glory than the day before.

“O magnify the LORD with me, And let us exalt His name together.”

Psalm 34:3

Resolutions For The New Year

It’s that glorious time of year when everyone is making resolutions. You see determined looks on faces, and nearly get plowed over by women with hunger filled eyes if you dare step into the diet isle at the grocery store. All you seem to hear about is how this will be the year we lose weight...stop smoking...get organized...etc.

Quite honestly, I’ve never been a big fan of resolutions. I don’t know why, but I hate jumping on the band wagon of “promises” we make and have every intention of keeping...but then always seem to forget. It has always seemed a little pointless to me.

But this morning, I set aside some time to just be still. I lit a candle, put on some classical music, and grabbed my Bible and notebook. I flipped back through the pages of my journal, and found prayers dated in January of 2012. I then sat and read through every prayer I’d written through last year. 

What a journey this past year has been!! I started off the year at the Passion conference, where Jesus rocked my world. Then spent my summer at the internship with Precept Ministries, where Jesus again rocked my world. Reading through so many prayers I prayed...some seemed silly, and some were cries from deep within my heart...reminded me that my Heavenly Father does hear even the smallest of prayers. And He answers them in the way that He sees fit. I was reminded of the faithfulness of my God.

So, as I sat there just overwhelmed by God’s goodness, I was convicted of my own complacency in my relationship with the Lord. I so easily forget how good and faithful He is, and I take Him for granted. I think there are more pressing matters that I need to accomplish before I take time to spend with Him. “After I finish this email, I’ll read my Bible.” I say to myself. And as I get distracted by the tasks that pile up in my mind, my relationship with the Lord fades into the background. 

So armed with this new conviction in my heart, I’ve decided to make some resolutions for this New Year. This year I will put Jesus first in my life. I prayed and asked the Lord to show me some practical ways to help me accomplish this. And this is what He showed me:

Spend time with the Lord daily. 

         - whether it’s getting in the Word, taking a walk to just pray and hear His voice, or  

           listening to Scripture, I will make time to be alone with God.

“When You said, "Seek My face," my heart 

said to You, "Your face, O LORD, I shall seek."’

Psalm 27:8

“I have set the LORD continually before me; 

Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”

Psalm 16:8

Pray for people more.

          - People are hurting! They need someone lifting them up in prayer.

           

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, 

and pray for one another so that you may be 

healed. The effective prayer of a righteous 

man can accomplish much.”

James 5:16

“pray without ceasing;”

1 Thess. 5:17

Write consistently in my thankful journal.

         - I started this journal last year, and then as time went on I stopped writing things         

           in it. But it really helped me to stop and think about the big and small things I am    

           thankful for. I need more thankfulness in my life.

“...give thanks in all circumstances; for this is 

the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

1 Thess. 5:18

“Now when Daniel knew that the document was signed, 

he entered his house (now in his roof chamber he had 

windows open toward Jerusalem); and he continued 

kneeling on his knees three times a day, praying and 

giving thanks before his God, as he had been 

doing previously.”

Daniel 6:10

So I share this all with you to encourage you to take sometime in the next few days and just sit at the feet of Jesus. Ask Him what things He wants for you this year, and areas you can become more like Him in. I’d love to hear what He shows you!!

I was very convicted and encouraged by this morning...and I’m actually hopeful that this New Year will be the best I’ve ever had...because Jesus will be my first priority.