3 Things I've Learned Through Pregnancy

So I haven’t blogged much about my pregnancy...mainly since I’ve been so sick. But as I’ve now entered into my 3rd trimester, and have spent a lot of time on the couch resting, (you think I’m kidding...) I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on these past few months, and all of the things the Lord has taught me through this precious little life growing inside of me.

So with that, here are 3 things I’ve learned through pregnancy.

1. I’m not as strong as I think I am.

So I’ve pretty much always wanted to be a wife and mom. Seriously. Since I was like four years old, I wanted to have babies and rock them to sleep. I was the girl who made the “Awwwww.” face any time I saw a pregnant woman shopping in Walmart. I could not wait for that time in my life! And as I grew older, I *thought* I had a more mature and realistic view of pregnancy and motherhood.

“It’s not going to be easy. It’s a sacrifice.” I would tell myself...somehow thinking that brought the appropriate dose of reality to my little fantasy world.

And yet I had this arrogance, yes arrogance, about how I would handle being pregnant. “I’m not gonna get fat, and I’ll keep working out the whole time to stay in shape!” I told myself and other people. I remember thinking how pregnancy can’t be THAT bad and I would not make excuses for myself. I’m tough. And pregnancy was not going to interfere with that.

It makes me laugh just writing this now. Boy was I wrong! (of course pregnancy is different for every one...I do have friends who did CrossFit while pregnant and ran 5k’s like no body’s business...and I secretly hate them. haha Just kidding!) For me, pregnancy revealed just how completely weak I am. And that was a hard pill for me to swallow.

About a week after finding out we were pregnant, the wondrous thing they call “morning sickness” took over my life. I would rather call it “throwing-up-every-two-hours-and-wondering-if-you’ll-ever-survive-sickness”...but that’s just me. ;) I have NEVER experienced nausea to that extent before, and it really took me by surprise. After two weeks of it, I remember feeling hopeless that life would ever hold joy again. (dramatic, yes. But true nonetheless.) People would tell me, just make it to week 12 and it will get better! 

The thought of living like this for 6 MORE WEEKS was enough to make me cry. And throw up again. But I really had no choice. 

Well week 12 came and went...including week 13,14,15....all the way until about week 24. I’m SO thankful the Lord didn’t let me know that I would be sick for that long. Otherwise I would have lost hope all together. But He really did sustain me through that!  

But what I gained through all of those weeks of sickness was a good dose of humility! I am NOT as strong as I think I am, and I’ve learned to be much more careful about voicing my “tough opinions” on situations I’ve never walked through before. Boy, have I learned...

2. I can be quite vain.

Okay, maybe I knew this before I was pregnant. But I always excused it with “Who isn’t?” But as this sweet baby is growing inside of me and completely changing everything I once knew about my body, there have been some days where I burst into tears...just wishing for my “old” body back. Which is funny, because I was never content with my body before (and it wasn’t so impressive that you’d cry missing it for sure! ha) but it was better than whatever this thing is!

Clothes don’t fit the way they used to. Okay, nothing fits the way it used to. And as I’ve had to go up in sizes...not once, but several times, I really have to swallow back the feelings of discontentment I feel upon seeing myself in the mirror.

When I cry and tell my husband “I’M A WHALE.” He lovingly tells me “You’re pregnant! You’re growing a baby!” And yet somehow this doesn’t change the fact that I still feel absolutely unattractive.

This got me to thinking about how wrongly I’ve been viewing my body for all of these years. As if it belongs to me. We all know the verse:

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the 

Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, 

and that you are not your own? For you have been 

bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.”

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

And I’ve read it countless times, thinking that I understood this concept. But this pregnancy has revealed that that is SO far from the truth. If it is a struggle for me to “sacrifice” my body to grow a precious human being...how selfish am I?! I see just how nasty my heart is...I want to be in control of my own body, and when that control is taken away, I am not a very happy camper.

This is just one of the reasons I so desperately need Jesus!

3. Tears are okay.

This may not be a big deal for most, but for me...this is HUGE. I have always hated crying! I ridiculed those who cried during movies and commercials. Those weepy women who were always crying over the silliest things. What pansies!

And now. That’s me.

Blame it on the pregnancy hormones, but goodness, I’ve cried so much these past 7 months! I’ve cried when I was making dinner and realized we had no taco seasoning. I cried during a commercial. And I’ve cried when Chris leaves and goes to work...and also the night before because I can’t bear the thought of him leaving in the morning.

But I’ve also cried when I heard that strong heartbeat on the ultrasound for the first time, realizing that that was my baby. I cried months later when the lady said “It’s a boy!” and I could see his silhouette on the screen, with perfect little arms and legs wiggling like crazy. I cry as I lay awake at night, hands on my tummy, feeling my son moving around and even responding to my touch.

Life is so beautiful. I can’t help but shed a tear over just how wonderful carrying this life inside of me is. Yes, it’s hard and a sacrifice, but those moments of complete awe far outweigh the difficulties I’ve experience...and they definitely make it worth it.

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So these are just a few of the things I have learned so far during this pregnancy experience. And I’m so thankful the Lord is using it to refine me and make me stand in awe of His goodness. 

There is so much nastiness inside of this heart of mine, and yet He still chooses to bless my life so abundantly. 

What a wonderful Savior we serve!