Grieving America

As I’ve been sitting on the couch this morning, watching news coverage of the tragic events from 12 years ago, my heart is grieving for my country. Not just for the families who still bear the heart scars from having their loved ones taken from them by merciless terrorists, or the countless firefighters, policemen and rescue workers who gave their lives for the benefit of others, or the mothers’ who are left holding a folded flag instead of their child today, because they gave their lives to protect mine. 

But today my grief is much deeper. I am grieving over America, not just for America. 

I am sometimes astonished at how much change has happened in my beloved country in just 12 short years. Just days after the attack on our country, there was not a street you could drive down where you didn’t see American flags hanging proudly from each home. Churches were full, because for the first time in a long time we had our priorities straight. People were kind to each other, and stood proudly in support of our boys who were fighting against the evil that had attacked us. And I will never forget what that felt like. United We Stand actually meant something to me.

I felt like we were standing together for what was right. No, we definitely weren’t perfect as a country, but when shaken, American’s still had a moral core and did what needed to be done to assure we got the job done.

Today, I don’t feel that way. 

I no longer feel that Americans have strong morals deep in their core. We no longer know what is right and what is wrong. What is justice and injustice. Truth has stumbled in the street.

“Justice is turned back, And righteousness stands far away; 

For truth has stumbled in the street, And uprightness cannot enter.” 

Isaiah 59:14

What determines what is right today in our culture is what you see as right. And no one can judge you for expressing yourself. And as a result, so much evil and immorality is tolerated in our society. Things that are appalling and should bring shame and embarrassment are displayed on television and radio as the norm or at the very least “someone expressing their individuality.”

I am astonished at how much immorality can be displayed on channels like HGTV. My husband and I have to turn the channel to something else countless times because of couple living together who aren’t married, or homosexual couples being featured on the show. Yes, many would call us intolerant and judgmental, but my God is the one who says its an abomination and sin, and we both would rather err on His side than the world’s. 

When did we become so immune to sin? When did we lose our conscience and morality? When did such abhorrent things in the eyes of our God become the norm? So much so that no one even gives it a second thought? This country was founded on Christian principles...so there is no one to blame but ourselves. We as Christians have dropped the ball big time. 

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil 

is for good men to do nothing." 

Edmund Burke

I think it is a shameful thing for a Christian nation to turn pagan. For those who have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord, to then reject it. What judgement we are bringing upon ourselves! I don’t even think we can comprehend what is coming. God is a merciful God, but He is also just, and will not tolerate sin.

My heart grieves over America because we know the truth, and have chosen to throw that away and create our own truth.

As Christians, we must repent first of our own contribution to the sin of our country. And we need to repent of our tolerance of the things God hates. We need to stand for truth, no matter what ridicule or consequences it may bring. We need to stop being afraid of being viewed as intolerant or bigots, and stop caring what others think more than what our Lord thinks. He is the one we need to obey and please!

Will you join me in praying for our country? And not just in praying, but in living out the truth before our fellow American’s? 

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; 

Who substitute darkness for light and light for 

darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet 

for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes 

And clever in their own sight!” 

Isaiah 5:20-21

Do It Yourself Tuesday ::: Dining Room Chairs

Project #1 is complete in our dining room renovation! I have started many things in that room, but this is the first that is completed! Woot woot! :)

I didn't think to take step-by-step pictures...oopsey. But I will tell you how I got this look and show the products that I used...I know if you're a visual person like me, you'd rather see it than read it, but it's all I got right now. ha

Step 1: 

I went to Hobby Lobby and found this yellow fabric. Normally I'm not a huge fan of polka dots, but it went along with other fabrics I am going to use in the dining room, so I got it. I checked Hobby Lobby's website to check their in-store deals and fabric was 30% off. SCORE.

Step 2:

I primed the chairs in this oil based primer. The lady was very helpful at Lowe's and explained why I needed oil-based primer. Because my chairs were originally stained wood, with some kind of clear top coat, an enamel or latex paint wouldn't "stick" unless I sanded or stripped them. So go with the oil-based primer I did.

Oh, and be sure you are using a brush meant for oil-based paints. There's apparently a difference. haha

Step 3:

*drumroll* Now it was time for the beautiful black topcoat! Yay! I got a glossy black enamel based paint. And surprisingly the chairs only needed one coat of this.

Step 4:

Last and final step! I cut the fabric to fit the cushions, and used this stapler to attach it. The staples I used may be a little heavy duty for fabric, but my husband had already bought these for another home project and I didn't want to spend any more on new staples. ;)

And there you go! A completely different look!

If you have any questions that I didn't answer in this post, I'd be glad to try and answer them!

Broken Words from a Mother's Heart...

Sweet child of mine. With a broken and grieving heart I write this on paper--words I will never get to whisper in your ear. 

You brought so much joy into my life...even for those 3 short days I knew about you. My heart was full and the love that I have for you was from the moment I saw that second pink line on my test. You are and always will be my first baby.

The sorrow I feel from losing you cannot be described with words. The fact that I will never hear your first cry, hold you in my arms and count your tiny fingers and toes, is at times, unbearable. To never know if you are a boy or a girl, if you look like your daddy and act like your mommy or if you’ll be outgoing or shy. I’ll never get to see you take your first steps, read you bedtime stories, watch you graduate, get married or become a parent yourself. 

Despite these heart-wrenching truths, there is still joy. I DID know you, even for a short time, and my, what joy you brought to all of us! And I know my love for you pales in comparison to the love your Heavenly Father has for you...He knew you even before the foundation of the world! I trust Him to know what He’s doing. He is sovereign over my life, and He was sovereign over yours. And now you are with Him.

I love you sweet baby. Goodness how much I love you. And I will see you one day.

I cannot wait to meet you.

A Newlywed's Take On Marriage

{leaving as man and wife}

I can’t believe I’m almost on my third week of marriage. I have random moments of shock where I have to peek into the living room to make sure my husband is still there, and that this wasn’t all a dream. 

As many of you well know, marriage has been something I’ve been looking forward to since I was like four years old. (you think I’m kidding) Being a helper and loving someone who was your soulmate has always melted my hopelessly romantic heart. As I’ve grown older and learned more about marriage, I realized that there is a lot more to it than romance and warm fuzzies. But you can only be so prepared without experiencing it.

So with my VAST experience of married life...a whoppin’ 17 days...I thought I’d share some of the thoughts I’ve been having since saying “I do” while they are fresh on my mind.

I can now echo with countless other married couples that marriage is one of the best and one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It used to annoy me when married people would give me that advice. “It’s the best thing in the world, and yet the most difficult.” How does that even make sense? It seemed oxymoronish to me. Now I understand.

It’s the best thing because I can look into the eyes of the man who loves me more than anyone else and feel safe. He promised me forever and I believe him. I fall asleep in his arms and wake up to his smile. I laugh with him constantly because we both have the same ridiculous sense of humor. He can read my face like a book and tell when I’m hurting, or sad, or mad. And he doesn’t stop asking “What’s wrong?” until I finally cave and expose my heart to him. He shows me daily that he cares for me.

It’s the hardest thing, not because Chris disappoints me or somehow doesn’t meet my needs. It’s hard because of ME. In these few short days of marriage I have seen more of Courtney’s flesh than I ever wanted to. Something about being one makes my flesh want to do everything in it’s power to separate us. I want to nag. I want to criticize. I want what I want. Chris is the recipient of my grumpiness, my moodiness, and my discontentment. Poor guy gets it ALL. While other’s see my smile and “sweet disposition,” Chris gets the death glare and heavy sigh from me. Chris truly sees all of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Already marriage has become a refining fire in my life. I can’t keep secrets or fake niceness in my marriage, it’s all the real deal. And that is both a good and terrifying thing. The Lord is making me more like His Son, Jesus, yet is killing my flesh quickly and consistently. I am thankful, yet broken.

It is so hard, yet so beautiful. I love my husband. And I love being married. And I’m excited about seeing where the Lord takes us as man and wife. My prayer is that as each day passes, we become more like Christ and bring Him more glory than the day before.

“O magnify the LORD with me, And let us exalt His name together.”

Psalm 34:3

Resolutions For The New Year

It’s that glorious time of year when everyone is making resolutions. You see determined looks on faces, and nearly get plowed over by women with hunger filled eyes if you dare step into the diet isle at the grocery store. All you seem to hear about is how this will be the year we lose weight...stop smoking...get organized...etc.

Quite honestly, I’ve never been a big fan of resolutions. I don’t know why, but I hate jumping on the band wagon of “promises” we make and have every intention of keeping...but then always seem to forget. It has always seemed a little pointless to me.

But this morning, I set aside some time to just be still. I lit a candle, put on some classical music, and grabbed my Bible and notebook. I flipped back through the pages of my journal, and found prayers dated in January of 2012. I then sat and read through every prayer I’d written through last year. 

What a journey this past year has been!! I started off the year at the Passion conference, where Jesus rocked my world. Then spent my summer at the internship with Precept Ministries, where Jesus again rocked my world. Reading through so many prayers I prayed...some seemed silly, and some were cries from deep within my heart...reminded me that my Heavenly Father does hear even the smallest of prayers. And He answers them in the way that He sees fit. I was reminded of the faithfulness of my God.

So, as I sat there just overwhelmed by God’s goodness, I was convicted of my own complacency in my relationship with the Lord. I so easily forget how good and faithful He is, and I take Him for granted. I think there are more pressing matters that I need to accomplish before I take time to spend with Him. “After I finish this email, I’ll read my Bible.” I say to myself. And as I get distracted by the tasks that pile up in my mind, my relationship with the Lord fades into the background. 

So armed with this new conviction in my heart, I’ve decided to make some resolutions for this New Year. This year I will put Jesus first in my life. I prayed and asked the Lord to show me some practical ways to help me accomplish this. And this is what He showed me:

Spend time with the Lord daily. 

         - whether it’s getting in the Word, taking a walk to just pray and hear His voice, or  

           listening to Scripture, I will make time to be alone with God.

“When You said, "Seek My face," my heart 

said to You, "Your face, O LORD, I shall seek."’

Psalm 27:8

“I have set the LORD continually before me; 

Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”

Psalm 16:8

Pray for people more.

          - People are hurting! They need someone lifting them up in prayer.

           

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, 

and pray for one another so that you may be 

healed. The effective prayer of a righteous 

man can accomplish much.”

James 5:16

“pray without ceasing;”

1 Thess. 5:17

Write consistently in my thankful journal.

         - I started this journal last year, and then as time went on I stopped writing things         

           in it. But it really helped me to stop and think about the big and small things I am    

           thankful for. I need more thankfulness in my life.

“...give thanks in all circumstances; for this is 

the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

1 Thess. 5:18

“Now when Daniel knew that the document was signed, 

he entered his house (now in his roof chamber he had 

windows open toward Jerusalem); and he continued 

kneeling on his knees three times a day, praying and 

giving thanks before his God, as he had been 

doing previously.”

Daniel 6:10

So I share this all with you to encourage you to take sometime in the next few days and just sit at the feet of Jesus. Ask Him what things He wants for you this year, and areas you can become more like Him in. I’d love to hear what He shows you!!

I was very convicted and encouraged by this morning...and I’m actually hopeful that this New Year will be the best I’ve ever had...because Jesus will be my first priority. 

Our Story (and the story of a faithful God)

 Hello from your long lost blogger friend! :) I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year since I’ve posted on here. The Lord has been showing me a lot and doing some pretty interesting things in my life here lately.

I will share the biggest one...since it’s kinda my favorite. haha

(drumroll please)

This past summer the Lord brought a very special man into my life. Chris and I have been in a relationship for over 4 months now and I can honestly say he has been one of the biggest blessings in my life! The Lord couldn’t have brought him at a more opportune or needed time. My family and I have been faced with several unforeseen hardships and life has just been kind of rocky lately. But Chris has been a strong shoulder to cry on, and his prayers and encouragement have made it a little easier to bear.

But enough of me gushing sappiness all over the place! You want to now the details of how we even got here in the first place, right?? (even if you don’t, I’m gonna tell you anyways...heh heh)

It all began 2 years prior. Chris was on the Israel Tour with Precept Ministries. They were sailing on the Sea of Galilee, and Kay Arthur had brought all of the “20 somethings” to the front of the boat to tell them about Precept’s summer camps (called Boot Camp) for teenagers. She encouraged them to get involved with these camps. Chris felt a tug at his heart, sensing that the Lord wanted him to ask her more about them. Well flash forward a few weeks and he was staffing for Boot Camp #2. I met him there, because I have been involved in Precept’s bible studies for years, and I had worked Boot Camp #1 and was back to visit. I don’t remember much about meeting him then...except that I thought he was very nice. And had one of the infectious laughs. Ever. But other than that, I really didn’t give him a second thought.

Well, this summer, on May 20th, I arrived at Precept Ministries to begin a nearly 3 month internship there. A lot of prayer had gone into me decided to spend my summer here. My family and I had just felt that this was where the Lord was leading me for this summer, and the Lord has provided abundantly through friends and family to raise the support money I needed to go. I had just had a tearful goodbye with my family...granted they were only 45 minutes away and I’d get to see them on weekends, but still...and as I pulled onto that beautiful campus, I said a prayer. “Lord, please help these next few months to be about YOU. I want to set apart this summer to seek Your face without distraction.” 

I meant every word of that prayer. The months leading up to the internship had been really difficult ones for me. I had given up hope that the Lord was ever going to bring that godly man into my life, so I was reevaluating my “life” per se. It was really hard to let that dream die. It was painful, and made my heart ache, but it was something I had to let go of and surrender to the Lord. If I wasn’t ever going to get married, what was I going to do with my life? I had prayed a lot and since international missions have always weighed on my heart, I decided that I would look into that more. So no wife and mommy for me. I was going to live in a hut somewhere in Africa or India and adopt my own babies! 

So this was my attitude when I started the internship. I really didn’t give any of the guys there a second glance. I had seen that Chris was going to be an intern, because we had an intern Facebook page for all of us to get to know each other better before we arrived, and I was excited to at least know someone who was going to be there. We all laugh now, because of what I commented on the post where Brooke announced that Chris would be joining us. It said:

“Yay!!! I love Chris!! I didn't even work 

that camp, but I got to be around him 

a little bit when I would come back to 

visit, and he seems awesome! 

Welcome to the group Chris!”

Kind of hilarious looking at it now! But yeah...I kinda do love Chris. ;)

So anyhow. As we all started our training and weeks started passing, Chris and I became really good friends. We connected first because we both love country music and he’s just as Southern as I am! We would torture the other interns with our twangy music. haha He was also hilarious and kept me laughing all the time. But I noted that he showed each of us girls equal attention...and that was quite a feat because there were six of us! So I felt safe being his friend, because he didn’t take it the wrong way.

As we became better friends, I started to note areas of his character that I really admired. One night, for instance, all of us girls were in the laundry room washing and folding our clothes. A couple of the guys, including Chris, walked in and started talking to us. But when Chris saw that we were folding our clothes, he just kinda eased out. A small thing, yes, but I noticed. I remember thinking, now there’s a guy who is guarding his eyes. Even from what could be perceived as not a big deal. But he didn’t want to subject himself to seeing some inappropriate clothing item. And I admired that. He was respectful to all of us, and in situations where he could have blown up and gotten angry, he remained calm and handled it like a man. His godly character was beginning to make it harder and harder for me to keep a watch on my heart...

I began to think “Uh-oh, I’m in trouble now...”

(All of us interns with Jack & Kay Arthur)

When the Boot Camps arrived for us to teach at, Chris ended up being placed in the classroom where I was co-teaching, as a table leader. Having him there was actually a comfort...because I was extremely nervous!! It also gave us more time to interact with each other and hearing his insights on how I did was very helpful. But during the next week of camp, where he was teaching, we were in completely different classrooms and teams. That was really the first time it began to hit me how attached I was to him...when he wasn’t there to talk to me. I would tell myself I was getting too attached, and this summer wasn’t about me finding a man! I needed to focus on why I was here: to teach these students to study the Bible for themselves. So I pulled my thoughts back into reality and tried my best to focus on my students.

After camp, we had a week off to go back home. He gave me a side hug before he left. And I remember thinking...that’s the first physical contact we’d ever had. (it was actually kind of awkward more than anything...haha) It was really sad to see him go for that week, but I resolved that I would not contact him, that wasn’t my place anyway. And I needed to focus on my family this week.

The day all of the interns came back into town, we all met up at our property to ride four wheelers and shoot rifles. I bush hogged (cut the grass) for an hour and a half trying to get rid of the nervous tension that was building up in my stomach waiting for them (*ahem* HIM) to get there. When they finally pulled in, I remember him walking towards me saying “COURTNEY!” and giving me a hug. It was kinda perfect. ;) And to top it off, he actually out shot me on the range...which I found rather impressive. Yet another quality to add to my ever growing list...

Things began to change after that. Chris wasn’t as good at not being partial with me compared to the other girls. We had several instances where it was just him and I and we were able to talk about our families and beliefs on big and small things. We never talked about each other in a romantic way though, because they had a no dating policy in the internship. I really admired that he stuck to that...because there were countless times he could have. I was actually really thankful for that rule, because it took the pressure off and created a safe zone for us to just get to know each other as friends. 

As the internship was drawing to an end, I remember being scared for it to end. Did Chris only view me as a friend? Was I going to be sorely disappointed at the end of this...being disappointed by Christian guys’ lack of aggression in the area of pursuing girls was an all to familiar feeling to me. And even if he did want to take this to the next step, I knew it would be awhile. Because Chris is very calculated, and has to “crunch the numbers” before making a decision. I’d be content to wait, because I had decided this guy would be worth it.

The day the internship ended, Chris and I went driving around...exploring. We ended up at Wal-Mart...yes Wal-Mart. Don’t judge. So we sat in the parking lot, talking about random things. Somehow the topic of “feelings” came up, and he cautiously asked, “So do you want to talk about feelings?” I swallowed my stomach that had suddenly jumped up my throat, and squeaked “Sure.” 

He then began to tell me how he felt about me (after a few minutes of groaning...trying to put his feelings into words...which was SUPER adorable by the way...), and how he wanted to get to know me better and come visit me. I echoed his feelings, and we awkwardly sat there in silence, until I looked at him and said, “Good talk.”

The next day I drove home and talked to my family about what had happened. They were so excited, because they had gotten to know Chris this summer as well. We had the interns up several times and he and my dad had really hit it off. So I told them that Chris wanted to get my dad’s permission to date me, and we planned on having lunch at the house with them after church the next day. Seeing the way Chris was handling the situation, and showing respect for my father’s authority in my life by wanting his permission to pursue me meant the world to me. There are no words to describe the relief I felt when he and dad returned from talking at the barn the next day. My dad had heartily said yes. It was official now!

(Dad and Chris talking at the barn)

So that’s our story...but this is just the beginning! Through the 3 months of the internship, and the 4 months we’ve been dating, Chris has become my best friend and someone I look up to and admire. He earns my respect as each week passes. The Lord answered all of my prayers for a godly man, above and beyond what I could have asked or thought. I still have moments where I sit back and think about what the Lord has done...and I can’t believe He has been so good to me!!

We serve a faithful God, ya’ll.

(Love this man!)

“Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give 

you the desires of your heart.” 

Psalm 37:4

“You have given him his heart's desire, 

And You have not withheld the request 

of his lips. Selah.”

Psalm 21:2

The Best Ammunition

“I want to have A LOT of kids.”

I’ve come to realize that this simple statement can act as a pretty reliable repellant. Use it, and you are sure to see faces of surprise, horror and maybe even disgust. Say it in the presence of most guys, and you can watch them make a run for the door. It’s quite entertaining.

Entertaining, perhaps. Disheartening, VERY. 

If I was being completely honest, it is very discouraging for me to the lack of interest most young Christians possess in having a family.

I was raised by amazing parents, who loved me. I mean LOVED me. They gave so sacrificially to give me a wonderful childhood...I’m pretty sure I had the best one ever! :) But more importantly, they instilled in me a love for Christ and for family. They never failed to show me and my sisters that we were blessings to their lives. That they were so thankful the Lord gave us to them. And they raised us with that same heart.

Children are a blessing.

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is His reward.” 

Psalm 127:3

From about the time that I was four years old, all I wanted to do was get married to a godly man, and have many beautiful babies. Children that we, together, would show the same kind of love my parents did. It would be our delight to train them up to love the Lord, and when we were gone, they would carry on that legacy. 

“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.”

Psalm 127:4-5

There was a purpose in having children. Not to land our own TV show, or make people stare in wonder when we go to Wal-Mart, but there was an eternal one. One where you left this world filled with more Jesus-lovers than when you came into it. We can’t live forever, thus you leave behind your quiver full of warriors for Christ.

Now, I have to be honest. I thought this mindset was common among Christians. It was only after seeing the numerous “reactions” described above, that I realized I was pretty odd. 

What discourages me the most is the reaction young Christian guys have to this. Not because I want to pick on guys, but because...I can’t really start a family without one. ;) I know many amazing Christian guys, who are doing wonderful things for the Kingdom. But they are doing it alone. A wife and kids would only slow that down. They are busy doing the stuff that really matters.

I politely beg to differ.

Investing in the lives of the “future torch carriers” is not a waste of time. Nor is it less important than other Kingdom work. All you have to do is read about all of the kings of Israel and Judah, to see how devastating this lack of interest in raising up godly children can be to the furtherance of Christ. King Hezekiah did what was pleasing in the Lord’s sight. He removed the high places, and cut down the idols in the land.

“For he (Hezekiah) clung to the Lord; he did not depart from following Him, but kept His commandments, which the Lord had commanded Moses.”

2 Kings 18:6

He was such a godly man. And through him, the Lord delivered Judah from Assyria. Hezekiah left a mark on Judah, and changed it for the better. But who took the throne once he was gone?

His son, Manasseh.

Now if you know anything about Bible history, you recognize this name. Manasseh was indisputably the worst king Judah had ever had. His wickedness far outmeasured any kings before him. He built back all of the high places that his father had torn down, he practiced witchcraft and divination, he set up the carved image of Asherah in the house of the Lord, and he even offered his son as a human sacrifice to the gods. (2 Kings 21)

“...and Manasseh seduced them to do more evil than the nations whom the Lord destroyed before the sons of Israel.” 

2 Kings 21:9

Manasseh was even worse than the pagan nations that surrounded Israel! Whenever I read this, I marvel at the fact that he was Hezekiah’s son. How could such a godly man have such a wicked son? How was there such a disconnect between the two?

Scripture doesn’t give us a clear answer, but it’s safe to assume that Hezekiah had not made the next generation a priority. He had not taken into consideration the fact that he was just a vapor on this earth, and that someone else would have to continue the work he was doing for the Lord. And because he failed to mentor his son in this same love of the Lord, all the progress and changes he had made in Judah was destroyed by his own son.

Guys, if you’re reading this, don’t make the same mistake Hezekiah did. Yes, continue seeking the Lord and serving Him in the place He has you. Be that light in the darkness and preach the Word. But don’t overlook the fact that the Lord uses the family as a weapon for His Kingdom as well. In a battle you want arrows, and the Lord says children are those arrows. So arm yourself well.

And ladies, if you don’t have a heart for family or children, ask the Lord to change it if it’s His will for you. Yes, I know not all of us are called to marriage and family. He gifts some of us for singleness. But the majority of us will marry someday, and all I encourage you to do is get in the Word and see for yourself what God says about family. Let Him show you what is right, and don’t let our culture control what your perception of or desire for children.

As for me, this is one of those character qualities in a man that I am not willing to compromise on. My two non-negotiables are: he’s got to love Jesus with all of his heart & be about making disciples, and love children and see their worth and purpose in the work we’re doing here on earth for Christ. These are two qualities that are so very rare. But I’m willing to wait as long as I have to, because of the truths that I’ve seen from His Word. 

My battle plan is simple: repopulate the earth with little Jesus-followers. :)