A Newlywed's Take On Marriage

{leaving as man and wife}

I can’t believe I’m almost on my third week of marriage. I have random moments of shock where I have to peek into the living room to make sure my husband is still there, and that this wasn’t all a dream. 

As many of you well know, marriage has been something I’ve been looking forward to since I was like four years old. (you think I’m kidding) Being a helper and loving someone who was your soulmate has always melted my hopelessly romantic heart. As I’ve grown older and learned more about marriage, I realized that there is a lot more to it than romance and warm fuzzies. But you can only be so prepared without experiencing it.

So with my VAST experience of married life...a whoppin’ 17 days...I thought I’d share some of the thoughts I’ve been having since saying “I do” while they are fresh on my mind.

I can now echo with countless other married couples that marriage is one of the best and one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It used to annoy me when married people would give me that advice. “It’s the best thing in the world, and yet the most difficult.” How does that even make sense? It seemed oxymoronish to me. Now I understand.

It’s the best thing because I can look into the eyes of the man who loves me more than anyone else and feel safe. He promised me forever and I believe him. I fall asleep in his arms and wake up to his smile. I laugh with him constantly because we both have the same ridiculous sense of humor. He can read my face like a book and tell when I’m hurting, or sad, or mad. And he doesn’t stop asking “What’s wrong?” until I finally cave and expose my heart to him. He shows me daily that he cares for me.

It’s the hardest thing, not because Chris disappoints me or somehow doesn’t meet my needs. It’s hard because of ME. In these few short days of marriage I have seen more of Courtney’s flesh than I ever wanted to. Something about being one makes my flesh want to do everything in it’s power to separate us. I want to nag. I want to criticize. I want what I want. Chris is the recipient of my grumpiness, my moodiness, and my discontentment. Poor guy gets it ALL. While other’s see my smile and “sweet disposition,” Chris gets the death glare and heavy sigh from me. Chris truly sees all of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Already marriage has become a refining fire in my life. I can’t keep secrets or fake niceness in my marriage, it’s all the real deal. And that is both a good and terrifying thing. The Lord is making me more like His Son, Jesus, yet is killing my flesh quickly and consistently. I am thankful, yet broken.

It is so hard, yet so beautiful. I love my husband. And I love being married. And I’m excited about seeing where the Lord takes us as man and wife. My prayer is that as each day passes, we become more like Christ and bring Him more glory than the day before.

“O magnify the LORD with me, And let us exalt His name together.”

Psalm 34:3

Resolutions For The New Year

It’s that glorious time of year when everyone is making resolutions. You see determined looks on faces, and nearly get plowed over by women with hunger filled eyes if you dare step into the diet isle at the grocery store. All you seem to hear about is how this will be the year we lose weight...stop smoking...get organized...etc.

Quite honestly, I’ve never been a big fan of resolutions. I don’t know why, but I hate jumping on the band wagon of “promises” we make and have every intention of keeping...but then always seem to forget. It has always seemed a little pointless to me.

But this morning, I set aside some time to just be still. I lit a candle, put on some classical music, and grabbed my Bible and notebook. I flipped back through the pages of my journal, and found prayers dated in January of 2012. I then sat and read through every prayer I’d written through last year. 

What a journey this past year has been!! I started off the year at the Passion conference, where Jesus rocked my world. Then spent my summer at the internship with Precept Ministries, where Jesus again rocked my world. Reading through so many prayers I prayed...some seemed silly, and some were cries from deep within my heart...reminded me that my Heavenly Father does hear even the smallest of prayers. And He answers them in the way that He sees fit. I was reminded of the faithfulness of my God.

So, as I sat there just overwhelmed by God’s goodness, I was convicted of my own complacency in my relationship with the Lord. I so easily forget how good and faithful He is, and I take Him for granted. I think there are more pressing matters that I need to accomplish before I take time to spend with Him. “After I finish this email, I’ll read my Bible.” I say to myself. And as I get distracted by the tasks that pile up in my mind, my relationship with the Lord fades into the background. 

So armed with this new conviction in my heart, I’ve decided to make some resolutions for this New Year. This year I will put Jesus first in my life. I prayed and asked the Lord to show me some practical ways to help me accomplish this. And this is what He showed me:

Spend time with the Lord daily. 

         - whether it’s getting in the Word, taking a walk to just pray and hear His voice, or  

           listening to Scripture, I will make time to be alone with God.

“When You said, "Seek My face," my heart 

said to You, "Your face, O LORD, I shall seek."’

Psalm 27:8

“I have set the LORD continually before me; 

Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”

Psalm 16:8

Pray for people more.

          - People are hurting! They need someone lifting them up in prayer.

           

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, 

and pray for one another so that you may be 

healed. The effective prayer of a righteous 

man can accomplish much.”

James 5:16

“pray without ceasing;”

1 Thess. 5:17

Write consistently in my thankful journal.

         - I started this journal last year, and then as time went on I stopped writing things         

           in it. But it really helped me to stop and think about the big and small things I am    

           thankful for. I need more thankfulness in my life.

“...give thanks in all circumstances; for this is 

the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

1 Thess. 5:18

“Now when Daniel knew that the document was signed, 

he entered his house (now in his roof chamber he had 

windows open toward Jerusalem); and he continued 

kneeling on his knees three times a day, praying and 

giving thanks before his God, as he had been 

doing previously.”

Daniel 6:10

So I share this all with you to encourage you to take sometime in the next few days and just sit at the feet of Jesus. Ask Him what things He wants for you this year, and areas you can become more like Him in. I’d love to hear what He shows you!!

I was very convicted and encouraged by this morning...and I’m actually hopeful that this New Year will be the best I’ve ever had...because Jesus will be my first priority. 

Our Story (and the story of a faithful God)

 Hello from your long lost blogger friend! :) I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year since I’ve posted on here. The Lord has been showing me a lot and doing some pretty interesting things in my life here lately.

I will share the biggest one...since it’s kinda my favorite. haha

(drumroll please)

This past summer the Lord brought a very special man into my life. Chris and I have been in a relationship for over 4 months now and I can honestly say he has been one of the biggest blessings in my life! The Lord couldn’t have brought him at a more opportune or needed time. My family and I have been faced with several unforeseen hardships and life has just been kind of rocky lately. But Chris has been a strong shoulder to cry on, and his prayers and encouragement have made it a little easier to bear.

But enough of me gushing sappiness all over the place! You want to now the details of how we even got here in the first place, right?? (even if you don’t, I’m gonna tell you anyways...heh heh)

It all began 2 years prior. Chris was on the Israel Tour with Precept Ministries. They were sailing on the Sea of Galilee, and Kay Arthur had brought all of the “20 somethings” to the front of the boat to tell them about Precept’s summer camps (called Boot Camp) for teenagers. She encouraged them to get involved with these camps. Chris felt a tug at his heart, sensing that the Lord wanted him to ask her more about them. Well flash forward a few weeks and he was staffing for Boot Camp #2. I met him there, because I have been involved in Precept’s bible studies for years, and I had worked Boot Camp #1 and was back to visit. I don’t remember much about meeting him then...except that I thought he was very nice. And had one of the infectious laughs. Ever. But other than that, I really didn’t give him a second thought.

Well, this summer, on May 20th, I arrived at Precept Ministries to begin a nearly 3 month internship there. A lot of prayer had gone into me decided to spend my summer here. My family and I had just felt that this was where the Lord was leading me for this summer, and the Lord has provided abundantly through friends and family to raise the support money I needed to go. I had just had a tearful goodbye with my family...granted they were only 45 minutes away and I’d get to see them on weekends, but still...and as I pulled onto that beautiful campus, I said a prayer. “Lord, please help these next few months to be about YOU. I want to set apart this summer to seek Your face without distraction.” 

I meant every word of that prayer. The months leading up to the internship had been really difficult ones for me. I had given up hope that the Lord was ever going to bring that godly man into my life, so I was reevaluating my “life” per se. It was really hard to let that dream die. It was painful, and made my heart ache, but it was something I had to let go of and surrender to the Lord. If I wasn’t ever going to get married, what was I going to do with my life? I had prayed a lot and since international missions have always weighed on my heart, I decided that I would look into that more. So no wife and mommy for me. I was going to live in a hut somewhere in Africa or India and adopt my own babies! 

So this was my attitude when I started the internship. I really didn’t give any of the guys there a second glance. I had seen that Chris was going to be an intern, because we had an intern Facebook page for all of us to get to know each other better before we arrived, and I was excited to at least know someone who was going to be there. We all laugh now, because of what I commented on the post where Brooke announced that Chris would be joining us. It said:

“Yay!!! I love Chris!! I didn't even work 

that camp, but I got to be around him 

a little bit when I would come back to 

visit, and he seems awesome! 

Welcome to the group Chris!”

Kind of hilarious looking at it now! But yeah...I kinda do love Chris. ;)

So anyhow. As we all started our training and weeks started passing, Chris and I became really good friends. We connected first because we both love country music and he’s just as Southern as I am! We would torture the other interns with our twangy music. haha He was also hilarious and kept me laughing all the time. But I noted that he showed each of us girls equal attention...and that was quite a feat because there were six of us! So I felt safe being his friend, because he didn’t take it the wrong way.

As we became better friends, I started to note areas of his character that I really admired. One night, for instance, all of us girls were in the laundry room washing and folding our clothes. A couple of the guys, including Chris, walked in and started talking to us. But when Chris saw that we were folding our clothes, he just kinda eased out. A small thing, yes, but I noticed. I remember thinking, now there’s a guy who is guarding his eyes. Even from what could be perceived as not a big deal. But he didn’t want to subject himself to seeing some inappropriate clothing item. And I admired that. He was respectful to all of us, and in situations where he could have blown up and gotten angry, he remained calm and handled it like a man. His godly character was beginning to make it harder and harder for me to keep a watch on my heart...

I began to think “Uh-oh, I’m in trouble now...”

(All of us interns with Jack & Kay Arthur)

When the Boot Camps arrived for us to teach at, Chris ended up being placed in the classroom where I was co-teaching, as a table leader. Having him there was actually a comfort...because I was extremely nervous!! It also gave us more time to interact with each other and hearing his insights on how I did was very helpful. But during the next week of camp, where he was teaching, we were in completely different classrooms and teams. That was really the first time it began to hit me how attached I was to him...when he wasn’t there to talk to me. I would tell myself I was getting too attached, and this summer wasn’t about me finding a man! I needed to focus on why I was here: to teach these students to study the Bible for themselves. So I pulled my thoughts back into reality and tried my best to focus on my students.

After camp, we had a week off to go back home. He gave me a side hug before he left. And I remember thinking...that’s the first physical contact we’d ever had. (it was actually kind of awkward more than anything...haha) It was really sad to see him go for that week, but I resolved that I would not contact him, that wasn’t my place anyway. And I needed to focus on my family this week.

The day all of the interns came back into town, we all met up at our property to ride four wheelers and shoot rifles. I bush hogged (cut the grass) for an hour and a half trying to get rid of the nervous tension that was building up in my stomach waiting for them (*ahem* HIM) to get there. When they finally pulled in, I remember him walking towards me saying “COURTNEY!” and giving me a hug. It was kinda perfect. ;) And to top it off, he actually out shot me on the range...which I found rather impressive. Yet another quality to add to my ever growing list...

Things began to change after that. Chris wasn’t as good at not being partial with me compared to the other girls. We had several instances where it was just him and I and we were able to talk about our families and beliefs on big and small things. We never talked about each other in a romantic way though, because they had a no dating policy in the internship. I really admired that he stuck to that...because there were countless times he could have. I was actually really thankful for that rule, because it took the pressure off and created a safe zone for us to just get to know each other as friends. 

As the internship was drawing to an end, I remember being scared for it to end. Did Chris only view me as a friend? Was I going to be sorely disappointed at the end of this...being disappointed by Christian guys’ lack of aggression in the area of pursuing girls was an all to familiar feeling to me. And even if he did want to take this to the next step, I knew it would be awhile. Because Chris is very calculated, and has to “crunch the numbers” before making a decision. I’d be content to wait, because I had decided this guy would be worth it.

The day the internship ended, Chris and I went driving around...exploring. We ended up at Wal-Mart...yes Wal-Mart. Don’t judge. So we sat in the parking lot, talking about random things. Somehow the topic of “feelings” came up, and he cautiously asked, “So do you want to talk about feelings?” I swallowed my stomach that had suddenly jumped up my throat, and squeaked “Sure.” 

He then began to tell me how he felt about me (after a few minutes of groaning...trying to put his feelings into words...which was SUPER adorable by the way...), and how he wanted to get to know me better and come visit me. I echoed his feelings, and we awkwardly sat there in silence, until I looked at him and said, “Good talk.”

The next day I drove home and talked to my family about what had happened. They were so excited, because they had gotten to know Chris this summer as well. We had the interns up several times and he and my dad had really hit it off. So I told them that Chris wanted to get my dad’s permission to date me, and we planned on having lunch at the house with them after church the next day. Seeing the way Chris was handling the situation, and showing respect for my father’s authority in my life by wanting his permission to pursue me meant the world to me. There are no words to describe the relief I felt when he and dad returned from talking at the barn the next day. My dad had heartily said yes. It was official now!

(Dad and Chris talking at the barn)

So that’s our story...but this is just the beginning! Through the 3 months of the internship, and the 4 months we’ve been dating, Chris has become my best friend and someone I look up to and admire. He earns my respect as each week passes. The Lord answered all of my prayers for a godly man, above and beyond what I could have asked or thought. I still have moments where I sit back and think about what the Lord has done...and I can’t believe He has been so good to me!!

We serve a faithful God, ya’ll.

(Love this man!)

“Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give 

you the desires of your heart.” 

Psalm 37:4

“You have given him his heart's desire, 

And You have not withheld the request 

of his lips. Selah.”

Psalm 21:2

The Best Ammunition

“I want to have A LOT of kids.”

I’ve come to realize that this simple statement can act as a pretty reliable repellant. Use it, and you are sure to see faces of surprise, horror and maybe even disgust. Say it in the presence of most guys, and you can watch them make a run for the door. It’s quite entertaining.

Entertaining, perhaps. Disheartening, VERY. 

If I was being completely honest, it is very discouraging for me to the lack of interest most young Christians possess in having a family.

I was raised by amazing parents, who loved me. I mean LOVED me. They gave so sacrificially to give me a wonderful childhood...I’m pretty sure I had the best one ever! :) But more importantly, they instilled in me a love for Christ and for family. They never failed to show me and my sisters that we were blessings to their lives. That they were so thankful the Lord gave us to them. And they raised us with that same heart.

Children are a blessing.

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is His reward.” 

Psalm 127:3

From about the time that I was four years old, all I wanted to do was get married to a godly man, and have many beautiful babies. Children that we, together, would show the same kind of love my parents did. It would be our delight to train them up to love the Lord, and when we were gone, they would carry on that legacy. 

“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.”

Psalm 127:4-5

There was a purpose in having children. Not to land our own TV show, or make people stare in wonder when we go to Wal-Mart, but there was an eternal one. One where you left this world filled with more Jesus-lovers than when you came into it. We can’t live forever, thus you leave behind your quiver full of warriors for Christ.

Now, I have to be honest. I thought this mindset was common among Christians. It was only after seeing the numerous “reactions” described above, that I realized I was pretty odd. 

What discourages me the most is the reaction young Christian guys have to this. Not because I want to pick on guys, but because...I can’t really start a family without one. ;) I know many amazing Christian guys, who are doing wonderful things for the Kingdom. But they are doing it alone. A wife and kids would only slow that down. They are busy doing the stuff that really matters.

I politely beg to differ.

Investing in the lives of the “future torch carriers” is not a waste of time. Nor is it less important than other Kingdom work. All you have to do is read about all of the kings of Israel and Judah, to see how devastating this lack of interest in raising up godly children can be to the furtherance of Christ. King Hezekiah did what was pleasing in the Lord’s sight. He removed the high places, and cut down the idols in the land.

“For he (Hezekiah) clung to the Lord; he did not depart from following Him, but kept His commandments, which the Lord had commanded Moses.”

2 Kings 18:6

He was such a godly man. And through him, the Lord delivered Judah from Assyria. Hezekiah left a mark on Judah, and changed it for the better. But who took the throne once he was gone?

His son, Manasseh.

Now if you know anything about Bible history, you recognize this name. Manasseh was indisputably the worst king Judah had ever had. His wickedness far outmeasured any kings before him. He built back all of the high places that his father had torn down, he practiced witchcraft and divination, he set up the carved image of Asherah in the house of the Lord, and he even offered his son as a human sacrifice to the gods. (2 Kings 21)

“...and Manasseh seduced them to do more evil than the nations whom the Lord destroyed before the sons of Israel.” 

2 Kings 21:9

Manasseh was even worse than the pagan nations that surrounded Israel! Whenever I read this, I marvel at the fact that he was Hezekiah’s son. How could such a godly man have such a wicked son? How was there such a disconnect between the two?

Scripture doesn’t give us a clear answer, but it’s safe to assume that Hezekiah had not made the next generation a priority. He had not taken into consideration the fact that he was just a vapor on this earth, and that someone else would have to continue the work he was doing for the Lord. And because he failed to mentor his son in this same love of the Lord, all the progress and changes he had made in Judah was destroyed by his own son.

Guys, if you’re reading this, don’t make the same mistake Hezekiah did. Yes, continue seeking the Lord and serving Him in the place He has you. Be that light in the darkness and preach the Word. But don’t overlook the fact that the Lord uses the family as a weapon for His Kingdom as well. In a battle you want arrows, and the Lord says children are those arrows. So arm yourself well.

And ladies, if you don’t have a heart for family or children, ask the Lord to change it if it’s His will for you. Yes, I know not all of us are called to marriage and family. He gifts some of us for singleness. But the majority of us will marry someday, and all I encourage you to do is get in the Word and see for yourself what God says about family. Let Him show you what is right, and don’t let our culture control what your perception of or desire for children.

As for me, this is one of those character qualities in a man that I am not willing to compromise on. My two non-negotiables are: he’s got to love Jesus with all of his heart & be about making disciples, and love children and see their worth and purpose in the work we’re doing here on earth for Christ. These are two qualities that are so very rare. But I’m willing to wait as long as I have to, because of the truths that I’ve seen from His Word. 

My battle plan is simple: repopulate the earth with little Jesus-followers. :)

A Valentine's Day Poem

The Man in my life exceeds all of my dreams,

He loves me just the way I am & meets all of my needs.

He listens to my every word, & understands when no one can

He holds me together when I’m a wreck and don’t think I can stand.

True, He may not be here to take me to dinner & a movie

buy me roses or some other sweet gift to woo me.

But He has gone away to prepare for me a place

and one day very soon I will get to see His face.

He will wipe away the tears from my eyes

that I cried on those many lonely nights.

He will bring me to His Father, a bride spotless and pure,

this only being true because of the cross which He endured.

He gave His very life for me, a sacrifice no other man has given,

He bled for my wickedness, as the nails in His wrists were driven.

And as He hung there, bearing my shame,

He washed me clean and gave me a new name.

Now as I eagerly await His return to come and claim me,

I will not let the lies of this world ensnare me.

Yes, He will return, and I will not refrain from looking,

Waiting and watching and hoping and searching.

Earthly love fades in comparison to this wondrous love I’ve known,

And through the letter He wrote me, my love for Him has grown.

Don’t settle into thinking that all of your dreams will come true,

If you could only find someone to date you or love you for you.

Do not search for love and fulfillment in other people,

In Jesus there is a love that can never be equaled,

When The Truth Gets Ugly

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, Because the 

LORD has anointed me To bring good news to 

the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the 

brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives 

and freedom to prisoners;”

Isaiah 61:1

This is a blog post that has been on my heart for awhile now. I’ve been mulling over it and thinking of how to put what has been going on in my heart into words. 

Let me start a few weeks back. I attended the Passion268 conference in Atlanta at the start of January. It was absolutely incredible! Worshiping my Savior surrounded by 45,000 other college aged believers is an experience I will never forget. It makes my heart happy just thinking about it. 

The main “theme” of the conference was human slavery. When someone says the word “slave” to me, I automatically think of the past. I think of William Wilberforce abolishing the African slave trade and think to myself, “Man, I’m glad we don’t have slaves like that today! That was just awful!” But at Passion the veil was ripped from my eyes and I was faced with an enormous, ugly truth.

Slavery still exists.

Did you know there are 27 millions people who are enslaved today? Let me repeat that number for you: 27 MILLION. There are more people enslaved today than ever before in history!! How the heck did I not know this? It’s massive and right in front of me, and I never even knew.

My naivety was not only surprising and upsetting, it is just plain wrong. How could I, who have been set free from my bondage to sin by the blood of my Savior, not see the need of those who are in chains now? How could I not hear the cries of the children who are being sold for sex, being robbed of their innocence and everything that is good and decent, while I sit on the couch and watch TV. How could I just sit by and never know this was happening?

As I watched a video of the stories of three rescued slaves on the big screen at Passion, my heart was broken into a million pieces. They were heart-wrenching! The things these people suffered and went through caused a pain in my heart that I’d never felt before. And I knew that Jesus’ heart was broken too.

When I became a follower of Jesus, I gave Him all of me. I gave Him my life, my dreams, and my future. What a small sacrifice compared to what He gave me. He took me from being an enemy of God (Rom. 5:10), to a child of God (Gal. 3:26). He brought me from darkness into light (Col. 1:13-14). He loosed the chains and set me free (Is. 58:6). What a Savior!!

But with this awesome privilege, comes an even greater responsibility. Now I am to go and tell of this Jesus, who can set the captive free and cleanse the lepers. This Jesus who can calm the sea and give sight to the blind. It is not a burden, but an honor to be called to this mission! 

The Lord revealed an overwhelming and heart breaking truth to me at this conference, and I will not sit by any longer! I am not okay with this suffering. I do not know what sort role I am to play in this story, whether it be great or small. But this I do know, I will play a role. 

The Little Rebel Inside

*Warning* 

This post reveals the often sinful heart condition of the 

author. For those who wish to hold to the illusion that I 

am perfect and have it all together do not need 

to read any further. :)

The Lord broke through my rebellious heart tonight.

Have you ever experienced a time when you see, without any filtering, your sinfulness? In all its ugliness. In all its filth. You just see it for what it is.

Tonight was one of those nights for me.

For those of you who don’t know me, I am a very stubborn person. I mean very. Blame it on heredity, blame it on my personality, either way the truth is: I am stubborn. And this is not a good thing.

Lately though, my stubbornness has been rearing its ugly head in the area of submitting to/obeying my parents.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have the most amazing parents. They love the Lord, and are such great examples in my life. They have sacrificed so much for me, given me more than I could ever deserve, and have taught me to follow the Lord. Without them I know I would not know the Lord the way that I do.

Why in the world would it be hard to honor and obey such terrific parents?

I’m stubborn remember??? And on top of that, I think I’m right the majority of the time. I’ve got it figured out, and I don’t need someone to tell me what to do.

I’ve been letting the wisdom of the world, and the tendencies of my wicked heart to dominate the way I view my parents. I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how I want to do it.

After all, no one else my age has to live under the same rules I do!

Even as I type these words, I feel such shame that these were the thoughts of my heart. They seem so blatantly rebellious when written down...yet I somehow managed to justify them when they are whispered in my heart. 

But thankfully, the Lord was not fooled. He brought me to my knees, broken and grieved over my sin. He revealed just how wicked and rebellious my heart had been, and brought me to a place of repentance and surrender. 

He reminded me of His commands for me as a child of my parents:

“Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 

Honor your father and mother (which is the first 

commandment with a promise), so that it will be well with 

you, and that you may live long on the earth.”

Ephesians 6:1-3

“Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this 

is well-pleasing to the Lord.” 

Colossians 3:20

“Hear, my son, your father’s instruction and do not forsake

your mother’s teaching;”

Proverbs 1:8

These verses are so cut and dry. They are to the point and there’s no arguing with the command here. Obey. Honor. Heed Instruction.

I am called, no matter what my age, to obey and honor my parents. Yes, this is a strange concept in our culture. At age 18 we are considered to be “adults” and on our own. We have the freedom to make our own decisions, do what we want, and answer only to ourselves. And this mindset of the world can so easily become my mindset.

But is that God’s way?

Not for my life it isn’t. The Lord has placed me under my parents’ care and authority in this moment. It can be such a blessing...that is, when my heart is right. :)

I have so much to be thankful for. I love my parents. And they love me unconditionally and consistently. They want what is best for me, even if it’s not what I want to hear. They have prayed for me since I was conceived, and have devoted their lives to pouring into me and showing me how to live for Jesus. I am so thankful for them.

My prayer tonight is for the Lord to give me a heart change. To give me a submissive and meek heart towards my parents. That I would joyfully submit to their authority and serve them from my heart. 

I want more than anything to be pleasing to the Lord in every area of my life. It's easy to be a saint when you're leading a Bible study, are at church or with your godly friends. But when I come home and no one else is looking, I want to still be found faithful. I want to honor those who know me best, who see me at my worst and yet still love me. I want to be faithful where it truly counts...because even if no one else sees the way I treat my parents, the Lord does. And He should be all I am striving to please. 

“...a wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish 

son is a grief to his mother.”

Proverbs 10:1

I want to bring gladness to my father and mother, and not grief.