When The Truth Gets Ugly

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, Because the 

LORD has anointed me To bring good news to 

the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the 

brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives 

and freedom to prisoners;”

Isaiah 61:1

This is a blog post that has been on my heart for awhile now. I’ve been mulling over it and thinking of how to put what has been going on in my heart into words. 

Let me start a few weeks back. I attended the Passion268 conference in Atlanta at the start of January. It was absolutely incredible! Worshiping my Savior surrounded by 45,000 other college aged believers is an experience I will never forget. It makes my heart happy just thinking about it. 

The main “theme” of the conference was human slavery. When someone says the word “slave” to me, I automatically think of the past. I think of William Wilberforce abolishing the African slave trade and think to myself, “Man, I’m glad we don’t have slaves like that today! That was just awful!” But at Passion the veil was ripped from my eyes and I was faced with an enormous, ugly truth.

Slavery still exists.

Did you know there are 27 millions people who are enslaved today? Let me repeat that number for you: 27 MILLION. There are more people enslaved today than ever before in history!! How the heck did I not know this? It’s massive and right in front of me, and I never even knew.

My naivety was not only surprising and upsetting, it is just plain wrong. How could I, who have been set free from my bondage to sin by the blood of my Savior, not see the need of those who are in chains now? How could I not hear the cries of the children who are being sold for sex, being robbed of their innocence and everything that is good and decent, while I sit on the couch and watch TV. How could I just sit by and never know this was happening?

As I watched a video of the stories of three rescued slaves on the big screen at Passion, my heart was broken into a million pieces. They were heart-wrenching! The things these people suffered and went through caused a pain in my heart that I’d never felt before. And I knew that Jesus’ heart was broken too.

When I became a follower of Jesus, I gave Him all of me. I gave Him my life, my dreams, and my future. What a small sacrifice compared to what He gave me. He took me from being an enemy of God (Rom. 5:10), to a child of God (Gal. 3:26). He brought me from darkness into light (Col. 1:13-14). He loosed the chains and set me free (Is. 58:6). What a Savior!!

But with this awesome privilege, comes an even greater responsibility. Now I am to go and tell of this Jesus, who can set the captive free and cleanse the lepers. This Jesus who can calm the sea and give sight to the blind. It is not a burden, but an honor to be called to this mission! 

The Lord revealed an overwhelming and heart breaking truth to me at this conference, and I will not sit by any longer! I am not okay with this suffering. I do not know what sort role I am to play in this story, whether it be great or small. But this I do know, I will play a role. 

The Little Rebel Inside

*Warning* 

This post reveals the often sinful heart condition of the 

author. For those who wish to hold to the illusion that I 

am perfect and have it all together do not need 

to read any further. :)

The Lord broke through my rebellious heart tonight.

Have you ever experienced a time when you see, without any filtering, your sinfulness? In all its ugliness. In all its filth. You just see it for what it is.

Tonight was one of those nights for me.

For those of you who don’t know me, I am a very stubborn person. I mean very. Blame it on heredity, blame it on my personality, either way the truth is: I am stubborn. And this is not a good thing.

Lately though, my stubbornness has been rearing its ugly head in the area of submitting to/obeying my parents.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have the most amazing parents. They love the Lord, and are such great examples in my life. They have sacrificed so much for me, given me more than I could ever deserve, and have taught me to follow the Lord. Without them I know I would not know the Lord the way that I do.

Why in the world would it be hard to honor and obey such terrific parents?

I’m stubborn remember??? And on top of that, I think I’m right the majority of the time. I’ve got it figured out, and I don’t need someone to tell me what to do.

I’ve been letting the wisdom of the world, and the tendencies of my wicked heart to dominate the way I view my parents. I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how I want to do it.

After all, no one else my age has to live under the same rules I do!

Even as I type these words, I feel such shame that these were the thoughts of my heart. They seem so blatantly rebellious when written down...yet I somehow managed to justify them when they are whispered in my heart. 

But thankfully, the Lord was not fooled. He brought me to my knees, broken and grieved over my sin. He revealed just how wicked and rebellious my heart had been, and brought me to a place of repentance and surrender. 

He reminded me of His commands for me as a child of my parents:

“Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 

Honor your father and mother (which is the first 

commandment with a promise), so that it will be well with 

you, and that you may live long on the earth.”

Ephesians 6:1-3

“Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this 

is well-pleasing to the Lord.” 

Colossians 3:20

“Hear, my son, your father’s instruction and do not forsake

your mother’s teaching;”

Proverbs 1:8

These verses are so cut and dry. They are to the point and there’s no arguing with the command here. Obey. Honor. Heed Instruction.

I am called, no matter what my age, to obey and honor my parents. Yes, this is a strange concept in our culture. At age 18 we are considered to be “adults” and on our own. We have the freedom to make our own decisions, do what we want, and answer only to ourselves. And this mindset of the world can so easily become my mindset.

But is that God’s way?

Not for my life it isn’t. The Lord has placed me under my parents’ care and authority in this moment. It can be such a blessing...that is, when my heart is right. :)

I have so much to be thankful for. I love my parents. And they love me unconditionally and consistently. They want what is best for me, even if it’s not what I want to hear. They have prayed for me since I was conceived, and have devoted their lives to pouring into me and showing me how to live for Jesus. I am so thankful for them.

My prayer tonight is for the Lord to give me a heart change. To give me a submissive and meek heart towards my parents. That I would joyfully submit to their authority and serve them from my heart. 

I want more than anything to be pleasing to the Lord in every area of my life. It's easy to be a saint when you're leading a Bible study, are at church or with your godly friends. But when I come home and no one else is looking, I want to still be found faithful. I want to honor those who know me best, who see me at my worst and yet still love me. I want to be faithful where it truly counts...because even if no one else sees the way I treat my parents, the Lord does. And He should be all I am striving to please. 

“...a wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish 

son is a grief to his mother.”

Proverbs 10:1

I want to bring gladness to my father and mother, and not grief.

The Selfish Romantic...

I am a hopeless romantic. I try to hide it, but it nevertheless always manages to come out somehow. I want to be pursued by a man, for him to want me and no one else, and for him to make an effort to win my heart. 

As far back as I can remember I have pictured the scenario, straight out of a Hallmark movie, where he brings me flowers, takes me somewhere special and listens to my every word. He laughs at my jokes, holds me when I cry, loves me even when I’m mean, and stands by me no matter what. And even when I’m gray-haired and covered in wrinkles, that he will still say I take his breath away.

Siigghhh.

Did you notice anything about what I’ve just described? Did you see the pattern here? It’s all about me. Never once did I mention anything that is important. Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn’t it? To be adored and spoiled rotten. But not only is that not reality, it’s not at all what my life is to be about as a Christian. 

Since when has it become about me?

When I believed in Jesus Christ and began this walk in Him, I said goodbye to my wants and my desires.

“Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified 

the flesh with its passions and desires.”

Galatians 5:24

“I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I 

who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now l

ive in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who 

loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

Galatians 2:20

“Let no one seek his own good...”

1 Corinthians 10:24

However difficult it may be to hear, life is not about me. It’s about Christ and His glory. 

Why would I think romance would be any different? I think something doesn’t connect in my mind when I begin to think about relationships and marriage. I remember all of the Disney movies I grew up watching, where Prince Charming always came riding into the picture to save the girl. Or all of the “chick flicks” out there, where the girl always chooses the guy who gives her just what she wants, who meets all of her needs. This is a very incorrect view of what God intended relationships to be all about.

My needs are met through Christ, and Him alone. Why would I expect a man to play that role? Not only does it put an enormous amount of pressure on him, but I will always be dissatisfied. I could marry the most angelic, sweet, tender, and sensitive guy out there, but my true needs would still never be met. Yes, I may be happy at first, but eventually a desire that can only be fulfilled by my Creator will begin to nag at my heart, making me miserable, until I run to Him.

“For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry 

soul He fills with good things.”

Psalm 107:9

“O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness, 

That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.”

Psalm 90:14

He alone can satisfy.

So, my sisters, I encourage you to take a good hard look at your view of romance and marriage. Are you looking to the future, thinking that one day all of your deepest longings will be met by a Prince Charming? That all of your problems will be solved with three things: tall, dark and handsome? 

Or are you being satisfied in Jesus now? The One who knows us better than anyone ever could, who made us and formed us, and is intimately acquainted with all our ways (Ps. 139:3). Jesus truly is all we could ever desire or hope for.

And yes, maybe one day in the future the Lord will bring that amazing man of God (or maybe He already has), who loves you as Christ loves the church. Together you can both serve the Lord better than you could apart. But it will be so much sweeter if you are already finding your satisfaction in the Lord, than expecting it to come from him.

I’m on this same journey with you. I struggle all the time with this wrong outlook. I so often take my eyes off of Jesus, and look instead off into the horizon waiting for the gallant prince to come riding up on his horse to rescue me. So if you struggle with this, you’re not alone. But let’s learn from this, repent, and fix our eyes on Jesus.

I mean after all, if anyone could pass as a Prince Charming, couldn’t He? ;)

The Little Things

Today was a rainy day. I could hear the rain drizzling softly on the skylight above my bed. I tightened my grip on my covers, rolled over, snuggled deeper into my bed and lazily shut my eyes. Oh, how good it felt.

Yesterday had been a good day, but an exhausting one. I deserved to get a little extra sleep. I knew I had to take Carley to the orthodontist in a few hours, which meant all I had to do was get a shower, get ready and we were good!

Then I heard that little voice...the sometimes dreaded voice...inside of me. “And where does time with Me fit into all of this?” I shut my eyes tighter, trying to drown Him out. I just want to sleep! Is that too much to ask?

Then I heard it. “Get up.” It wasn’t mean or demanding, but more of a calling. I almost rolled over.

But I didn’t.

I opened my eyes and got up.

Big deal, you may be thinking. And you’re right. I’m not tootin' my own horn here, I assure you. And this may not seem like a huge sacrifice...because it’s not. But for me this morning, God taught me an amazing lesson through this example.

How can I ever think that God can use me to do big things for Him if I won’t even get out of bed to seek His face? How can I expect Him to entrust me with lives and the dreams He has placed in my heart, if I’d rather just sleep? Because I’m tired.

The Lord showed me this morning, as I spent time with Him, that I have to be faithful in the little things to be entrusted with much.

“He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful

also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very

little thing is unrighteous also in much.”

Luke 16:10

This is the desire of my heart. I want to be faithful. I want to seek my Jesus before anything else. I want to put Him FIRST.

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, 

and all these things will be added to you.”

Matthew 6:33

I fail at this daily. There are too many mornings where I roll over and go back to sleep. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to always choose Jesus.

Lord, help me to be faithful in the little things!

The Victory of Two

 Tonight my sister and I watched the movie Amazing Grace. It portrays the story of William Wilberforce, a leader in the abolition of the slave trade in Britain. This movie always makes me want to cry, for it is a story of a man who was passionate about the Lord and passionate about justice. His life truly was one of perseverance and endurance. He remained faithful, and eventually accomplished the task God had given him: the abolition of the slave trade.

The life of this man inspires me. I want to be a William Wilberforce. I want to be faithful, and set about to proclaim freedom to those enslaved by sin. To cry out to people:

My chains are gone

I've been set free

My God, my Savior has ransomed me

And like a flood His mercy rains

Unending love, Amazing grace

But that is not the topic I want to cover in this post. As I watched this film about William, I was struck by the role his wife, Barbara Spooner, played in his life. Barbara came into William’s life at a time when his bill to abolish the slave trade had been rejected...again. He was physically sick, and emotionally stripped of his passion. He had given up.

They became friends, and soon learned that they shared many of the same political and moral views. She too was passionate about the abolition of slavery, but whenever she tried to converse with him about it, he would change the subject. It was too painful for him to talk about. It reminded him of what he thought was his failing to accomplish what God had called him to do.

On a walk one day, she cautiously brought it up again. As he began to talk and express his defeat and frustration, she listened patiently. This conversation soon turned into an all night recollection of all he had tried to accomplish. He told her of the years of evidence he and his colleagues had collected, that they were sure this time they would be victorious. But they had once again failed. 

Barbara, still listening, gets from the couch they are sitting on, and walks towards a curtained window. She opens it and seeing that it is now morning, she lets the light in. She looks at him and says:

“After the night comes day.”

It was through this encouragement William is then seen packing his bags, headed back to London to fight once more for the cause. 

Oh, and he married Barbara too. :)

What struck me the most through the example of Barbara Wilberforce, was the fact that she truly lived out her God-given role as a helpmate. 

In Genesis, we have the account of God creating the first woman.

“Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be 

alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." Out of the 

ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and 

every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see 

what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living 

creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the 

cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, 

but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So 

the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, 

and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the 

flesh at that place. The LORD God fashioned into a woman the 

rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.”

Genesis 2:18-22

The word helper is used twice in these verses. The Lord made woman for what purpose? To be a suitable helper for the man. Now, I know many women have a problem with this, but that is another blog post. I didn’t write the Bible, God did...so ask Him about it. ;)

After watching Amazing Grace, I was struck by a thought. Yes I want to make a difference in the world for the glory of the Lord, and yes I want to do big things for God. But I also have to realize that I may not always be the one on the front lines. I may not be the one to stand in parliament, displaying my bill for the abolition of slavery. I may not be President of the United States, or another Billy Graham. I may be called to the role of Barbara Wilberforce, encouraging the man who is standing in parliament, changing the world. One is not less than the other. If it hadn’t been for the encouragement and exhortation of Barbara, William would have given up. They were victorious together. 

I want to marry a William Wilberforce. I will not settle for a man who is passive towards his God-given role of making disciples and proclaiming the gospel. I would soon stay single before I settle. But I must also take a good hard look at my own life, and see if I am developing qualities that make me suitable to be the helper to someone who is passionately seeking God.

Am I living my life, and developing qualities that will equip me for this role? Do I live my life for what I want and expect others to serve me? Or do I follow the example of Jesus who:

“...did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give 

His life a ransom for many."

Matthew 20:28

So my exhortation to you, my sisters, is this: ask the Lord to search your heart. Take a good hard look at the way you are living your life, and see if you are willing to live the role of helper. If marriage is what the Lord calls you to, are you going to be able to stand behind your man, and help him in his role...whatever it may be? 

At the close of the film, when William’s bill is passed, and the slave trade has been abolished once and for all, Lord Charles Fox stands up and says these words: 

“When people speak of great men, they think of men like 

Napoleon - men of violence. Rarely do they think of 

peaceful men. But contrast the reception they will receive 

when they return home from their battles. Napoleon will 

arrive in pomp and in power, a man who's achieved the 

very summit of earthly ambition. And yet his dreams will be 

haunted by the oppressions of war. William Wilberforce, 

however, will return to his family, lay his head on his pillow 

and remember: the slave trade is no more.”

These words bring tears to my eyes. What an amazing thing the Lord did through the life of William Wilberforce. And through his wife, Barbara. :)

The Good Part

It was a typical day. I was doing house work, and vacuuming up a storm. It's amazing how therapeutic vacuuming can be. :)

My mind was busy thinking over my schedule for the day.

I need to finish vacuuming this room, then move on to cleaning the bedroom.

I need to go the gym today, so I don't become a heifer.

Have we fed the animals today?

                                                                       I need to make something for dinner.

                                                                       Oh, and I need to read my Bible.

Then I heard that little voice inside of me whispering, "Martha, Martha." As I continued to vacuum,  I mulled over those age old words that Jesus spoke to Martha in Luke. It hit me that just as Martha had been distracted and too busy to sit at the feet of Jesus, I was doing the same thing. "I'll get to my Bible reading after I finish cleaning this." It had been my excuse all morning. 

My heart was so convicted, that I stopped vacuuming right there (which for my perfectionist self was a BIG deal!!), and went upstairs in my room spend some time at the Lord's feet. This is what I read:

"Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; 

and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her 

home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at 

the Lord's feet, listening to His word. But Martha was 

distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to 

Him and said, “Lord do you not care that my sister has 

left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help 

me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, 

Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many 

things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has 

chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away 

from her.”

Luke 10:38-42

I came to see that I am just like Martha. We would have gotten along great...but we would have both chosen the wrong part.

Now Martha is not the “bad guy” in this story. Far from it! She was being hospitable by welcoming Jesus into her home. Which is what we are called to do.

“Be hospitable to one another without complaint.”

1 Peter 4:9

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by 

this some have entertained angels without knowing it.”

Hebrews 13:2

Martha was obeying the Word by welcoming people into her home. The problem comes in verse 40:

“But Martha was distracted with all her preparations...”

The word distracted in this verse means “to be over-occupied, too busy about a thing.” Man, that is a very accurate description of the way I live most of my life. I am just so busy. So occupied. So distracted. And, like Martha, I often come to the Lord...not to sit at His feet, but to complain.

“...Lord do you not care that my sister has 

left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell 

her to help me.”

Lord, my life is hard! Look at all that I am doing...and by myself too! Don’t you care? I can’t do this alone...make her help me!! 

Jesus’ response to her is so kind, yet cuts right to the quick.

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about 

so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for 

Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be 

taken away from her.”

He doesn’t condemn Martha. He simply names what she’s doing. She is bothered about so many things. Then He points to Mary, the object to which Martha directed her frustration. Mary has chosen the good part. What was this good part?

“...She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at 

the Lord's feet, listening to His word...”

Mary was at the feet of Jesus, listening to His word. She realized what was necessary. What was important. And this was not going to be taken away from her.

After reading these verses, tears filled my eyes. How had I let the cares of this world, and the distractions of life keep me from sitting at His feet? What else really matters? Yes, we have to work hard. Yes, there are things in life that we have to do. That’s not even the issue here. The real question is, are you and am I putting Him first? Are we choosing the good part. The part that is lasting and imperishable. Time spend with our Lord and in His Word.

Pray that I will live this out. That no matter how crazy life gets, I will still put Jesus first. That I will just sit at the feet of my Savior. 

That I will choose the good part.

Just Keep Running...

“Perseverance is the hard work you do after you 

get tired of doing the hard work you already did.” 

Newt Gingrich

I’m exhausted. I’m irritable. And rest is no where in sight.

It’s in times like these, that my endurance & perseverance is tested. When life and circumstances that are out of my control won’t let me quit. And the only choice I have is to press on. To keep moving forward.

These times in my life are arduous. They are challenging. It ain’t fun! 

But I find that it is in these times that the Lord shows Himself strong. I am forced to rely on His strength, because I have no strength left of my own. And He enables me to move forward. He causes good fruit to be produced in the soil of difficulty.

“And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, 

knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and 

perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope...” 

Romans 5:3-4

The word tribulation in this verse is the Greek word thlipsis. It’s meaning is that of a pressing, pressing together, pressure. Ever felt that way before? Sure sounds a lot like life to me! :)

But what does it say these tribulations produce in us? Perseverance, proven character and hope. Through this pressure or tribulation in our lives, the Lord is able to bring forth good.

How then should we respond to these difficult and pressure filled times in our life?

“...but we also exult in our tribulations...”

To exult means to glory in a thing. We must exult in the tough times, through the “pressing” times in life. Why? Because of what those times produce. Because of what the Lord can yield in our lives due to them.

I read a verse the other night, after an exhausting day that never seemed to end. What it said really convicted me.

"Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two.”

Matthew 5:41

Running is awful. I am convinced it could be used as an effective method of torture (I am slightly exaggerating...slightly.). And if someone forced me to run a mile with them, I would most likely want to sit down, finish coughing up my lung and have a nice cold drink of water. Willingly running a second mile with them would never cross my mind. Yet that is what Jesus is telling us to do in this verse. Life’s hard, heck yeah. Sometimes it is just downright terrible. But despite how much we may dislike it, there is really nothing we can do about it. 

As believers, we have to look at the bigger picture. We have to pray to our Heavenly Father to make our heart’s prayer be "yet not My will, but Yours be done." (Luke 22:42) And we have to run that second mile.

I do not have this concept mastered. I am SO far from any of what I’ve just shared. More times than not, I have to be dragged through through the first mile. Living this out is hard. This stuff is so easy for me to say, especially when my life could be so much harder. I have so much to be thankful for. Many of my friends come to mind as I write this, who are dealing with heart-wrenching trials. Depression. Cancer. The death of a friend. My life is a walk in the park with cotton candy in one hand and a puppy in the other, compared to theirs. My heart breaks for them, and my prayers are with them daily. But the message is for all of us, regardless of the level of difficulty we face in our lives. We must persevere. We must stay strong. And it gets back to us relying on that strength that comes only from our Heavenly Father.

So I leave you with this:

“...let us run with endurance the race that is set before 

us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter 

of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, 

despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand 

of the throne of God.”

Hebrews 12:1-2

Get your running shoes on! :)