Happy 25th Birthday Sweetheart!

This is a very special day. Today is the 25th birthday of me precious husband, Chris.

The past few days, as I’ve been anticipating his birthday and thinking about how much he means to me and how thankful I am for his life, my heart became so overwhelmed with how GOOD the Lord has been to me in allowing me to be a part of this incredible man’s life. I not only have the privilege of knowing Chris, but I get to see his character and precious heart up close and intimately every single day.

How did I get so lucky?

To describe the character my husband possesses is one of my favorite things to do. From his integrity to his honesty, the man is a rarity for sure. I have often cried in thankfulness to the Lord that I can trust my husband to be an honest man, at his work and at home. When he is given a job to do, he does it, and takes no shortcuts. He would rather work twice as long and do something right, than do a job half-way. And this is in big and small things. I thought I had integrity, until I married Chris.

(Chris hard at work painting our bathroom)

And example of this is one time he was supposed to put in a certain amount of hours on a project and had come up 15 minutes short. We were out of town at a dear friend

s funeral, so needless to say work was not our main priority. He mentioned needing to finish up that 15 minutes and I was like “Chris...it’s 15 MINUTES. It’s not that big of a deal.” and he just shook his head and said “What’s your integrity worth? Mine sure isn’t worth 15 minutes.” And I had to swallow hard, realizing just how right he was. AND HOW IN THE WORLD DID I SCORE THIS NUGGET???

(Fixing the sink late one night)

Chris is also honest. I can trust him completely. I am one of the few blessed women who doesn’t have to worry about my husband keeping secrets from me. He has told me everything about his past--from little stories that made us laugh at youthful foolishness--to things that we have both cried through because they are so heavy. And as a result he has given me a safe place to bare my heart and soul to...to show him my “ugly” and find that I am still just as loved as when he thought I was a “good girl.” We truly know each other inside and out...and somehow he still manages to love me!

Loyalty doesn’t even begin to describe Chris. I have thanked the Lord COUNTLESS times that He blessed me with a man who only has eyes for me. I know it is Divine Intervention! I have watched him countless times...just to see...and his eyes always return to me, or the floor (ha) when there is an opportunity for lust or even just curiosity. He doesn’t “window shop” while we are out in public and knowing that he is keeping his eyes on me has given me such a sense of security...I’m so thankful for a man who has trained his eyes!

I didn’t realize it at the time, but when we got married, I got a man with a huge servant’s heart. We have not even been married a year, and when most newly married men are enjoying home-cooked meals, undivided attention, fun romantic getaways and such, Chris was holding back his pregnant wife’s hair while she threw up, eating Mexican food for the 6th time that week because that’s all she wanted, having to go grocery shopping with her because she couldn’t carry the heavy bags, massaging her back for the billionth time that night because she couldn’t sleep, and not even getting to cuddle in the bed because there was no room due to the massive amount of pillows she uses. 

(massaging his pregnant wife's feet while watching football)

Throughout my pregnancy, Chris was AMAZING. And it didn’t end there...I know for a fact that I would not have survived the birth of our child if it had not been for this precious man. Through 60 grueling hours of labor, he was right there beside me, holding my hand...or more like letting me break the bones in it...and breathing calmly with me to keep me from hyperventilating. I still cry thinking about how wonderful he was. In my hardest and weakest moment, he was my rock. He told me I was so strong when I cried out “I can’t do it!” He prayed for me out loud through every contraction and it kept me from losing heart. He would cry with me when I couldn’t handle the pain, and say he was so sorry I was hurting so bad. He thanked me over and over again for being willing to do this so that our son could be born.

(our little family)

In a time that should have been the worst experience of my life, he made it beautiful. We survived that battle together and because of his precious heart and serving attitude, he made it such a beautiful experience for us both. Something that connected us deeply and something we will never forget.

So...I could keep going on forever. But I’ll end here for now. Basically, I have the sweetest, most loving, silliest, most handsome husband in the whole world, and I am SO thankful for today and for his life!

Happy 25th Birthday, sweetheart! Thank you for all you do and for all of the love you give. 

I love you more than you’ll ever know. 

I'm No Longer A Hopeless Romantic

Well, it’s Valentine’s day. And before I met you, I hated this day...mainly because I was a bitter single woman (you think I’m kidding). It seemed every where I went, I was reminded of how alone I was.

You see, I have always been a hopeless romantic. Even as a tiny little girl, whenever I saw gestures of love, I would sigh “It’s soooo romantical.”

I couldn’t wait for the day someone would buy me chocolates, a big huge teddy bear and a dozen roses. For someone to surprise me with a piece of sparkly jewelry and take me out on the town. Someone to love me.

But darling, it was only after marrying you and becoming your wife, that I realized just how much you really do love me. And none of it has involved tacky red and pink stuffed animals or chocolate.

You have shown me that love is jumping in the car as I’m trying to drive away after a big fight, and not letting me go. 

Or eating Mexican food for the billionth time this week, because you know it’s my favorite.

You’ve shown me that love is simply holding each other and letting the tears do all the talking when we lost our first baby. No words needed to be spoken between us.

True love is when you held back my hair while I was throwing up my guts, and always had a wet rag for my face nearby.

You have shown me what true love is by still finding me attractive when my tan skin and smaller waist gave way to puffy fingers and chalky white skin, speckled with stretch marks.

Or by saying “You are so cute.” when you wake up next to me...matted hair, sleepy eyes, morning breath and all. 

You have loved me big in so many small ways.

And because of you I am learning for the first time what real love is. 

Love is not mere sentiment and feelings. Love is doing the hard thing...and loving the unlovable. Love is choosing to have mercy on the one who deserves judgement. And forgiving when you have the right to stay angry. 

And the way you have treated me every day has taught me this.

Thank you for being willing to love me...craziness and all. And being a daily reminder to me of what the Gospel is--real love. You are a heaven sent blessing in my life, Chris, and I don’t know what I’d do without you!

I’m so thankful you are the person I get to learn to love better for the rest of my life.

3 Things I've Learned Through Pregnancy

So I haven’t blogged much about my pregnancy...mainly since I’ve been so sick. But as I’ve now entered into my 3rd trimester, and have spent a lot of time on the couch resting, (you think I’m kidding...) I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on these past few months, and all of the things the Lord has taught me through this precious little life growing inside of me.

So with that, here are 3 things I’ve learned through pregnancy.

1. I’m not as strong as I think I am.

So I’ve pretty much always wanted to be a wife and mom. Seriously. Since I was like four years old, I wanted to have babies and rock them to sleep. I was the girl who made the “Awwwww.” face any time I saw a pregnant woman shopping in Walmart. I could not wait for that time in my life! And as I grew older, I *thought* I had a more mature and realistic view of pregnancy and motherhood.

“It’s not going to be easy. It’s a sacrifice.” I would tell myself...somehow thinking that brought the appropriate dose of reality to my little fantasy world.

And yet I had this arrogance, yes arrogance, about how I would handle being pregnant. “I’m not gonna get fat, and I’ll keep working out the whole time to stay in shape!” I told myself and other people. I remember thinking how pregnancy can’t be THAT bad and I would not make excuses for myself. I’m tough. And pregnancy was not going to interfere with that.

It makes me laugh just writing this now. Boy was I wrong! (of course pregnancy is different for every one...I do have friends who did CrossFit while pregnant and ran 5k’s like no body’s business...and I secretly hate them. haha Just kidding!) For me, pregnancy revealed just how completely weak I am. And that was a hard pill for me to swallow.

About a week after finding out we were pregnant, the wondrous thing they call “morning sickness” took over my life. I would rather call it “throwing-up-every-two-hours-and-wondering-if-you’ll-ever-survive-sickness”...but that’s just me. ;) I have NEVER experienced nausea to that extent before, and it really took me by surprise. After two weeks of it, I remember feeling hopeless that life would ever hold joy again. (dramatic, yes. But true nonetheless.) People would tell me, just make it to week 12 and it will get better! 

The thought of living like this for 6 MORE WEEKS was enough to make me cry. And throw up again. But I really had no choice. 

Well week 12 came and went...including week 13,14,15....all the way until about week 24. I’m SO thankful the Lord didn’t let me know that I would be sick for that long. Otherwise I would have lost hope all together. But He really did sustain me through that!  

But what I gained through all of those weeks of sickness was a good dose of humility! I am NOT as strong as I think I am, and I’ve learned to be much more careful about voicing my “tough opinions” on situations I’ve never walked through before. Boy, have I learned...

2. I can be quite vain.

Okay, maybe I knew this before I was pregnant. But I always excused it with “Who isn’t?” But as this sweet baby is growing inside of me and completely changing everything I once knew about my body, there have been some days where I burst into tears...just wishing for my “old” body back. Which is funny, because I was never content with my body before (and it wasn’t so impressive that you’d cry missing it for sure! ha) but it was better than whatever this thing is!

Clothes don’t fit the way they used to. Okay, nothing fits the way it used to. And as I’ve had to go up in sizes...not once, but several times, I really have to swallow back the feelings of discontentment I feel upon seeing myself in the mirror.

When I cry and tell my husband “I’M A WHALE.” He lovingly tells me “You’re pregnant! You’re growing a baby!” And yet somehow this doesn’t change the fact that I still feel absolutely unattractive.

This got me to thinking about how wrongly I’ve been viewing my body for all of these years. As if it belongs to me. We all know the verse:

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the 

Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, 

and that you are not your own? For you have been 

bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.”

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

And I’ve read it countless times, thinking that I understood this concept. But this pregnancy has revealed that that is SO far from the truth. If it is a struggle for me to “sacrifice” my body to grow a precious human being...how selfish am I?! I see just how nasty my heart is...I want to be in control of my own body, and when that control is taken away, I am not a very happy camper.

This is just one of the reasons I so desperately need Jesus!

3. Tears are okay.

This may not be a big deal for most, but for me...this is HUGE. I have always hated crying! I ridiculed those who cried during movies and commercials. Those weepy women who were always crying over the silliest things. What pansies!

And now. That’s me.

Blame it on the pregnancy hormones, but goodness, I’ve cried so much these past 7 months! I’ve cried when I was making dinner and realized we had no taco seasoning. I cried during a commercial. And I’ve cried when Chris leaves and goes to work...and also the night before because I can’t bear the thought of him leaving in the morning.

But I’ve also cried when I heard that strong heartbeat on the ultrasound for the first time, realizing that that was my baby. I cried months later when the lady said “It’s a boy!” and I could see his silhouette on the screen, with perfect little arms and legs wiggling like crazy. I cry as I lay awake at night, hands on my tummy, feeling my son moving around and even responding to my touch.

Life is so beautiful. I can’t help but shed a tear over just how wonderful carrying this life inside of me is. Yes, it’s hard and a sacrifice, but those moments of complete awe far outweigh the difficulties I’ve experience...and they definitely make it worth it.

______________________________

So these are just a few of the things I have learned so far during this pregnancy experience. And I’m so thankful the Lord is using it to refine me and make me stand in awe of His goodness. 

There is so much nastiness inside of this heart of mine, and yet He still chooses to bless my life so abundantly. 

What a wonderful Savior we serve! 

Goals for the New Year

Well, it’s a new year...which means everyone and their mother have been talking about the year past and how great this new year is going to be--that “this is going to be their year!”

Quite honestly, all of this kinda makes me roll my eyes...yes, I would love to see everyone succeed at their new goals, but why can’t we all have goals and be motivated all year???

But nevertheless, this year I decided to give this whole “new years resolution” thing a chance and use this time to ask the Lord to show me some areas in my life and heart that needed to be changed or improved. And I found it to be a very refreshing and enlightening time for me. I made time to just stop, be still, and reflect. 

So after that long and drawn out explanation...here are a few of my “resolutions.”

Goals for 2014:

Read through the Bible this year

   

I used to do this every year, and then I began to let other Bible studies I was doing be an excuse to keep me from doing this reading. But I have really missed getting that “whole picture” view of Scripture, so I’m determined to keep that up this year.

Pray more consistently for people

A dear friend, Mrs. Debra, shared a very practical way to pray for people with me last summer. She told me that she was at a friend’s house and noticed a basket full of cards on the coffee table. She looked into the basket and realized it was Christmas cards. She asked her friend why she kept them on the coffee table (when it was no where near Christmas) and her friend said that she keeps every Christmas card that people send to her, so that she can pray for them throughout the whole year.

When she shared this with me, I was like “I am SO gonna do that!” So this week we have taken one Christmas card and Chris and I are praying for that family this whole week. I even have a reminder set on my phone so that I remember to change it out the next week. (because these days I can be rather forgetful...I blame pregnancy. ha)

Plant a garden and can some produce

If any of you know me, you know that if this happens, it will be a miracle from God. Because I literally have killed every plant I’ve ever come in contact with. But I still want to learn! So I am reading up on how to garden, starting with this book Chris’ dad let me borrow. And thankfully he has been gardening for over 20 years, so he’s gonna teach me to mend my killing ways. ;)

Write more encouraging cards

You can never underestimate the power of a hand-written and encouraging card. I keep every card I receive...yes I’m a pack rat. ha But they just mean so much! When someone takes the time to write out something thoughtful and mail it to me, I feel so special and encouraged! So I really want to get better about doing that for other people. And I even bought some cute little cards from Walmart to start with! :)

So those are just a few of my goals for this new year! I’m asking the Lord to be the one who helps me stay motivated to carry this out, especially when the “newness” wears off. ha 

So what are some of your resolutions?

Grieving America

As I’ve been sitting on the couch this morning, watching news coverage of the tragic events from 12 years ago, my heart is grieving for my country. Not just for the families who still bear the heart scars from having their loved ones taken from them by merciless terrorists, or the countless firefighters, policemen and rescue workers who gave their lives for the benefit of others, or the mothers’ who are left holding a folded flag instead of their child today, because they gave their lives to protect mine. 

But today my grief is much deeper. I am grieving over America, not just for America. 

I am sometimes astonished at how much change has happened in my beloved country in just 12 short years. Just days after the attack on our country, there was not a street you could drive down where you didn’t see American flags hanging proudly from each home. Churches were full, because for the first time in a long time we had our priorities straight. People were kind to each other, and stood proudly in support of our boys who were fighting against the evil that had attacked us. And I will never forget what that felt like. United We Stand actually meant something to me.

I felt like we were standing together for what was right. No, we definitely weren’t perfect as a country, but when shaken, American’s still had a moral core and did what needed to be done to assure we got the job done.

Today, I don’t feel that way. 

I no longer feel that Americans have strong morals deep in their core. We no longer know what is right and what is wrong. What is justice and injustice. Truth has stumbled in the street.

“Justice is turned back, And righteousness stands far away; 

For truth has stumbled in the street, And uprightness cannot enter.” 

Isaiah 59:14

What determines what is right today in our culture is what you see as right. And no one can judge you for expressing yourself. And as a result, so much evil and immorality is tolerated in our society. Things that are appalling and should bring shame and embarrassment are displayed on television and radio as the norm or at the very least “someone expressing their individuality.”

I am astonished at how much immorality can be displayed on channels like HGTV. My husband and I have to turn the channel to something else countless times because of couple living together who aren’t married, or homosexual couples being featured on the show. Yes, many would call us intolerant and judgmental, but my God is the one who says its an abomination and sin, and we both would rather err on His side than the world’s. 

When did we become so immune to sin? When did we lose our conscience and morality? When did such abhorrent things in the eyes of our God become the norm? So much so that no one even gives it a second thought? This country was founded on Christian principles...so there is no one to blame but ourselves. We as Christians have dropped the ball big time. 

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil 

is for good men to do nothing." 

Edmund Burke

I think it is a shameful thing for a Christian nation to turn pagan. For those who have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord, to then reject it. What judgement we are bringing upon ourselves! I don’t even think we can comprehend what is coming. God is a merciful God, but He is also just, and will not tolerate sin.

My heart grieves over America because we know the truth, and have chosen to throw that away and create our own truth.

As Christians, we must repent first of our own contribution to the sin of our country. And we need to repent of our tolerance of the things God hates. We need to stand for truth, no matter what ridicule or consequences it may bring. We need to stop being afraid of being viewed as intolerant or bigots, and stop caring what others think more than what our Lord thinks. He is the one we need to obey and please!

Will you join me in praying for our country? And not just in praying, but in living out the truth before our fellow American’s? 

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; 

Who substitute darkness for light and light for 

darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet 

for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes 

And clever in their own sight!” 

Isaiah 5:20-21

Do It Yourself Tuesday ::: Dining Room Chairs

Project #1 is complete in our dining room renovation! I have started many things in that room, but this is the first that is completed! Woot woot! :)

I didn't think to take step-by-step pictures...oopsey. But I will tell you how I got this look and show the products that I used...I know if you're a visual person like me, you'd rather see it than read it, but it's all I got right now. ha

Step 1: 

I went to Hobby Lobby and found this yellow fabric. Normally I'm not a huge fan of polka dots, but it went along with other fabrics I am going to use in the dining room, so I got it. I checked Hobby Lobby's website to check their in-store deals and fabric was 30% off. SCORE.

Step 2:

I primed the chairs in this oil based primer. The lady was very helpful at Lowe's and explained why I needed oil-based primer. Because my chairs were originally stained wood, with some kind of clear top coat, an enamel or latex paint wouldn't "stick" unless I sanded or stripped them. So go with the oil-based primer I did.

Oh, and be sure you are using a brush meant for oil-based paints. There's apparently a difference. haha

Step 3:

*drumroll* Now it was time for the beautiful black topcoat! Yay! I got a glossy black enamel based paint. And surprisingly the chairs only needed one coat of this.

Step 4:

Last and final step! I cut the fabric to fit the cushions, and used this stapler to attach it. The staples I used may be a little heavy duty for fabric, but my husband had already bought these for another home project and I didn't want to spend any more on new staples. ;)

And there you go! A completely different look!

If you have any questions that I didn't answer in this post, I'd be glad to try and answer them!

Broken Words from a Mother's Heart...

Sweet child of mine. With a broken and grieving heart I write this on paper--words I will never get to whisper in your ear. 

You brought so much joy into my life...even for those 3 short days I knew about you. My heart was full and the love that I have for you was from the moment I saw that second pink line on my test. You are and always will be my first baby.

The sorrow I feel from losing you cannot be described with words. The fact that I will never hear your first cry, hold you in my arms and count your tiny fingers and toes, is at times, unbearable. To never know if you are a boy or a girl, if you look like your daddy and act like your mommy or if you’ll be outgoing or shy. I’ll never get to see you take your first steps, read you bedtime stories, watch you graduate, get married or become a parent yourself. 

Despite these heart-wrenching truths, there is still joy. I DID know you, even for a short time, and my, what joy you brought to all of us! And I know my love for you pales in comparison to the love your Heavenly Father has for you...He knew you even before the foundation of the world! I trust Him to know what He’s doing. He is sovereign over my life, and He was sovereign over yours. And now you are with Him.

I love you sweet baby. Goodness how much I love you. And I will see you one day.

I cannot wait to meet you.

A Newlywed's Take On Marriage

{leaving as man and wife}

I can’t believe I’m almost on my third week of marriage. I have random moments of shock where I have to peek into the living room to make sure my husband is still there, and that this wasn’t all a dream. 

As many of you well know, marriage has been something I’ve been looking forward to since I was like four years old. (you think I’m kidding) Being a helper and loving someone who was your soulmate has always melted my hopelessly romantic heart. As I’ve grown older and learned more about marriage, I realized that there is a lot more to it than romance and warm fuzzies. But you can only be so prepared without experiencing it.

So with my VAST experience of married life...a whoppin’ 17 days...I thought I’d share some of the thoughts I’ve been having since saying “I do” while they are fresh on my mind.

I can now echo with countless other married couples that marriage is one of the best and one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It used to annoy me when married people would give me that advice. “It’s the best thing in the world, and yet the most difficult.” How does that even make sense? It seemed oxymoronish to me. Now I understand.

It’s the best thing because I can look into the eyes of the man who loves me more than anyone else and feel safe. He promised me forever and I believe him. I fall asleep in his arms and wake up to his smile. I laugh with him constantly because we both have the same ridiculous sense of humor. He can read my face like a book and tell when I’m hurting, or sad, or mad. And he doesn’t stop asking “What’s wrong?” until I finally cave and expose my heart to him. He shows me daily that he cares for me.

It’s the hardest thing, not because Chris disappoints me or somehow doesn’t meet my needs. It’s hard because of ME. In these few short days of marriage I have seen more of Courtney’s flesh than I ever wanted to. Something about being one makes my flesh want to do everything in it’s power to separate us. I want to nag. I want to criticize. I want what I want. Chris is the recipient of my grumpiness, my moodiness, and my discontentment. Poor guy gets it ALL. While other’s see my smile and “sweet disposition,” Chris gets the death glare and heavy sigh from me. Chris truly sees all of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Already marriage has become a refining fire in my life. I can’t keep secrets or fake niceness in my marriage, it’s all the real deal. And that is both a good and terrifying thing. The Lord is making me more like His Son, Jesus, yet is killing my flesh quickly and consistently. I am thankful, yet broken.

It is so hard, yet so beautiful. I love my husband. And I love being married. And I’m excited about seeing where the Lord takes us as man and wife. My prayer is that as each day passes, we become more like Christ and bring Him more glory than the day before.

“O magnify the LORD with me, And let us exalt His name together.”

Psalm 34:3

Resolutions For The New Year

It’s that glorious time of year when everyone is making resolutions. You see determined looks on faces, and nearly get plowed over by women with hunger filled eyes if you dare step into the diet isle at the grocery store. All you seem to hear about is how this will be the year we lose weight...stop smoking...get organized...etc.

Quite honestly, I’ve never been a big fan of resolutions. I don’t know why, but I hate jumping on the band wagon of “promises” we make and have every intention of keeping...but then always seem to forget. It has always seemed a little pointless to me.

But this morning, I set aside some time to just be still. I lit a candle, put on some classical music, and grabbed my Bible and notebook. I flipped back through the pages of my journal, and found prayers dated in January of 2012. I then sat and read through every prayer I’d written through last year. 

What a journey this past year has been!! I started off the year at the Passion conference, where Jesus rocked my world. Then spent my summer at the internship with Precept Ministries, where Jesus again rocked my world. Reading through so many prayers I prayed...some seemed silly, and some were cries from deep within my heart...reminded me that my Heavenly Father does hear even the smallest of prayers. And He answers them in the way that He sees fit. I was reminded of the faithfulness of my God.

So, as I sat there just overwhelmed by God’s goodness, I was convicted of my own complacency in my relationship with the Lord. I so easily forget how good and faithful He is, and I take Him for granted. I think there are more pressing matters that I need to accomplish before I take time to spend with Him. “After I finish this email, I’ll read my Bible.” I say to myself. And as I get distracted by the tasks that pile up in my mind, my relationship with the Lord fades into the background. 

So armed with this new conviction in my heart, I’ve decided to make some resolutions for this New Year. This year I will put Jesus first in my life. I prayed and asked the Lord to show me some practical ways to help me accomplish this. And this is what He showed me:

Spend time with the Lord daily. 

         - whether it’s getting in the Word, taking a walk to just pray and hear His voice, or  

           listening to Scripture, I will make time to be alone with God.

“When You said, "Seek My face," my heart 

said to You, "Your face, O LORD, I shall seek."’

Psalm 27:8

“I have set the LORD continually before me; 

Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”

Psalm 16:8

Pray for people more.

          - People are hurting! They need someone lifting them up in prayer.

           

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, 

and pray for one another so that you may be 

healed. The effective prayer of a righteous 

man can accomplish much.”

James 5:16

“pray without ceasing;”

1 Thess. 5:17

Write consistently in my thankful journal.

         - I started this journal last year, and then as time went on I stopped writing things         

           in it. But it really helped me to stop and think about the big and small things I am    

           thankful for. I need more thankfulness in my life.

“...give thanks in all circumstances; for this is 

the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

1 Thess. 5:18

“Now when Daniel knew that the document was signed, 

he entered his house (now in his roof chamber he had 

windows open toward Jerusalem); and he continued 

kneeling on his knees three times a day, praying and 

giving thanks before his God, as he had been 

doing previously.”

Daniel 6:10

So I share this all with you to encourage you to take sometime in the next few days and just sit at the feet of Jesus. Ask Him what things He wants for you this year, and areas you can become more like Him in. I’d love to hear what He shows you!!

I was very convicted and encouraged by this morning...and I’m actually hopeful that this New Year will be the best I’ve ever had...because Jesus will be my first priority. 

Our Story (and the story of a faithful God)

 Hello from your long lost blogger friend! :) I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year since I’ve posted on here. The Lord has been showing me a lot and doing some pretty interesting things in my life here lately.

I will share the biggest one...since it’s kinda my favorite. haha

(drumroll please)

This past summer the Lord brought a very special man into my life. Chris and I have been in a relationship for over 4 months now and I can honestly say he has been one of the biggest blessings in my life! The Lord couldn’t have brought him at a more opportune or needed time. My family and I have been faced with several unforeseen hardships and life has just been kind of rocky lately. But Chris has been a strong shoulder to cry on, and his prayers and encouragement have made it a little easier to bear.

But enough of me gushing sappiness all over the place! You want to now the details of how we even got here in the first place, right?? (even if you don’t, I’m gonna tell you anyways...heh heh)

It all began 2 years prior. Chris was on the Israel Tour with Precept Ministries. They were sailing on the Sea of Galilee, and Kay Arthur had brought all of the “20 somethings” to the front of the boat to tell them about Precept’s summer camps (called Boot Camp) for teenagers. She encouraged them to get involved with these camps. Chris felt a tug at his heart, sensing that the Lord wanted him to ask her more about them. Well flash forward a few weeks and he was staffing for Boot Camp #2. I met him there, because I have been involved in Precept’s bible studies for years, and I had worked Boot Camp #1 and was back to visit. I don’t remember much about meeting him then...except that I thought he was very nice. And had one of the infectious laughs. Ever. But other than that, I really didn’t give him a second thought.

Well, this summer, on May 20th, I arrived at Precept Ministries to begin a nearly 3 month internship there. A lot of prayer had gone into me decided to spend my summer here. My family and I had just felt that this was where the Lord was leading me for this summer, and the Lord has provided abundantly through friends and family to raise the support money I needed to go. I had just had a tearful goodbye with my family...granted they were only 45 minutes away and I’d get to see them on weekends, but still...and as I pulled onto that beautiful campus, I said a prayer. “Lord, please help these next few months to be about YOU. I want to set apart this summer to seek Your face without distraction.” 

I meant every word of that prayer. The months leading up to the internship had been really difficult ones for me. I had given up hope that the Lord was ever going to bring that godly man into my life, so I was reevaluating my “life” per se. It was really hard to let that dream die. It was painful, and made my heart ache, but it was something I had to let go of and surrender to the Lord. If I wasn’t ever going to get married, what was I going to do with my life? I had prayed a lot and since international missions have always weighed on my heart, I decided that I would look into that more. So no wife and mommy for me. I was going to live in a hut somewhere in Africa or India and adopt my own babies! 

So this was my attitude when I started the internship. I really didn’t give any of the guys there a second glance. I had seen that Chris was going to be an intern, because we had an intern Facebook page for all of us to get to know each other better before we arrived, and I was excited to at least know someone who was going to be there. We all laugh now, because of what I commented on the post where Brooke announced that Chris would be joining us. It said:

“Yay!!! I love Chris!! I didn't even work 

that camp, but I got to be around him 

a little bit when I would come back to 

visit, and he seems awesome! 

Welcome to the group Chris!”

Kind of hilarious looking at it now! But yeah...I kinda do love Chris. ;)

So anyhow. As we all started our training and weeks started passing, Chris and I became really good friends. We connected first because we both love country music and he’s just as Southern as I am! We would torture the other interns with our twangy music. haha He was also hilarious and kept me laughing all the time. But I noted that he showed each of us girls equal attention...and that was quite a feat because there were six of us! So I felt safe being his friend, because he didn’t take it the wrong way.

As we became better friends, I started to note areas of his character that I really admired. One night, for instance, all of us girls were in the laundry room washing and folding our clothes. A couple of the guys, including Chris, walked in and started talking to us. But when Chris saw that we were folding our clothes, he just kinda eased out. A small thing, yes, but I noticed. I remember thinking, now there’s a guy who is guarding his eyes. Even from what could be perceived as not a big deal. But he didn’t want to subject himself to seeing some inappropriate clothing item. And I admired that. He was respectful to all of us, and in situations where he could have blown up and gotten angry, he remained calm and handled it like a man. His godly character was beginning to make it harder and harder for me to keep a watch on my heart...

I began to think “Uh-oh, I’m in trouble now...”

(All of us interns with Jack & Kay Arthur)

When the Boot Camps arrived for us to teach at, Chris ended up being placed in the classroom where I was co-teaching, as a table leader. Having him there was actually a comfort...because I was extremely nervous!! It also gave us more time to interact with each other and hearing his insights on how I did was very helpful. But during the next week of camp, where he was teaching, we were in completely different classrooms and teams. That was really the first time it began to hit me how attached I was to him...when he wasn’t there to talk to me. I would tell myself I was getting too attached, and this summer wasn’t about me finding a man! I needed to focus on why I was here: to teach these students to study the Bible for themselves. So I pulled my thoughts back into reality and tried my best to focus on my students.

After camp, we had a week off to go back home. He gave me a side hug before he left. And I remember thinking...that’s the first physical contact we’d ever had. (it was actually kind of awkward more than anything...haha) It was really sad to see him go for that week, but I resolved that I would not contact him, that wasn’t my place anyway. And I needed to focus on my family this week.

The day all of the interns came back into town, we all met up at our property to ride four wheelers and shoot rifles. I bush hogged (cut the grass) for an hour and a half trying to get rid of the nervous tension that was building up in my stomach waiting for them (*ahem* HIM) to get there. When they finally pulled in, I remember him walking towards me saying “COURTNEY!” and giving me a hug. It was kinda perfect. ;) And to top it off, he actually out shot me on the range...which I found rather impressive. Yet another quality to add to my ever growing list...

Things began to change after that. Chris wasn’t as good at not being partial with me compared to the other girls. We had several instances where it was just him and I and we were able to talk about our families and beliefs on big and small things. We never talked about each other in a romantic way though, because they had a no dating policy in the internship. I really admired that he stuck to that...because there were countless times he could have. I was actually really thankful for that rule, because it took the pressure off and created a safe zone for us to just get to know each other as friends. 

As the internship was drawing to an end, I remember being scared for it to end. Did Chris only view me as a friend? Was I going to be sorely disappointed at the end of this...being disappointed by Christian guys’ lack of aggression in the area of pursuing girls was an all to familiar feeling to me. And even if he did want to take this to the next step, I knew it would be awhile. Because Chris is very calculated, and has to “crunch the numbers” before making a decision. I’d be content to wait, because I had decided this guy would be worth it.

The day the internship ended, Chris and I went driving around...exploring. We ended up at Wal-Mart...yes Wal-Mart. Don’t judge. So we sat in the parking lot, talking about random things. Somehow the topic of “feelings” came up, and he cautiously asked, “So do you want to talk about feelings?” I swallowed my stomach that had suddenly jumped up my throat, and squeaked “Sure.” 

He then began to tell me how he felt about me (after a few minutes of groaning...trying to put his feelings into words...which was SUPER adorable by the way...), and how he wanted to get to know me better and come visit me. I echoed his feelings, and we awkwardly sat there in silence, until I looked at him and said, “Good talk.”

The next day I drove home and talked to my family about what had happened. They were so excited, because they had gotten to know Chris this summer as well. We had the interns up several times and he and my dad had really hit it off. So I told them that Chris wanted to get my dad’s permission to date me, and we planned on having lunch at the house with them after church the next day. Seeing the way Chris was handling the situation, and showing respect for my father’s authority in my life by wanting his permission to pursue me meant the world to me. There are no words to describe the relief I felt when he and dad returned from talking at the barn the next day. My dad had heartily said yes. It was official now!

(Dad and Chris talking at the barn)

So that’s our story...but this is just the beginning! Through the 3 months of the internship, and the 4 months we’ve been dating, Chris has become my best friend and someone I look up to and admire. He earns my respect as each week passes. The Lord answered all of my prayers for a godly man, above and beyond what I could have asked or thought. I still have moments where I sit back and think about what the Lord has done...and I can’t believe He has been so good to me!!

We serve a faithful God, ya’ll.

(Love this man!)

“Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give 

you the desires of your heart.” 

Psalm 37:4

“You have given him his heart's desire, 

And You have not withheld the request 

of his lips. Selah.”

Psalm 21:2